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Celebrity Zoo: Commentary on
The Surreal Life
, Season 4

Starring: Da Brat, Christopher Knight, Joanie Lauer, Verne Troyer, Jane Wiedlin, Marcus Schenkenberg, Adrianne Curry

Episode 1: Nobody Puts Mini-Me in A Corner, Except Himself
Episode 2: Misadventures in Babysitting
Episode 3: Rancho Kook-a-munga
Episode 4: Pole-dancin' and Brady-romancin'
Episode 5: Pitchers with Self-control Problems
Episode 6: Love Comes Walking In, or Maybe It's Just Ron Jeremy in a Diaper
Episode 7: Joanie Loves Tragedy
Episode 8: An Alan Smithee Production
Episode 9: What is Sally Jesse Doing the Other 364 Days a Year?
Episode 10: Has-Been Seems to be the Hardest Word

Episode 4 - 1/30/05


The cast wakes up after a night of camping and it's revealed that Jane, Adrianne, and Chris slept together, but there was no hanky panky. Joanie starts the day with a swig of vodka, motivating castmates to express concern about her drinking. Da Brat actually leads the gang in packing up the campsite. I hope they subscribed to the"leave no trace" philosophy and gathered every last Jack Daniels bottle. Upon arriving at the mansion, the cast finds the house transformed into a day spa - just what they need to soothe their aches from horse-riding. The housemates are led in a meditation, but Da Brat refuses to align her chakras, declaring, "Just give me the damn massage." Peter enjoys a "tonal massage" (seems to involve the massage therapist humming over the patient) and I enjoy seeing him shirtless once again. Verne ogles Adrianne's butt before receiving a tonal massage that makes him cry. We are not made privy to the details of Verne's emotional outpouring, the buried memories the massage might have surfaced. Adrianne's manager calls and wants to know if she has jumped Marcus. She reveals her crush on Chris and he encourages her to go for him. She spends the rest of the episode pursuing Chris and talking about being "in love with a Brady," making me wonder if the "love" is for real or a PR-grab for her own Strange Love type spinoff a la Flav and Brigitte that was perhaps inspired by her manager? Adrianne confides in Joanie and Da Brat about her crush, and Da Brat runs to Chris to ask him if he has a girlfriend. She behaves so grade school that I have to wonder if her next move will be to pass him a note that says "Do you like Adrianne? circle yes or no." The cast goes to a strip club, except for Verne who is sleeping and doesn't want to get up. Three strippers molest Chris, motivating Adrianne to take to the pole in an effort to get his attention. Chris seems uncomfortable and likens her affections to "a schoolgirl crush", perhaps reminding him of the time Marsha thought her dentist Dr. Vogel was dreamy or the time she swooned over Davy Jones. Can Chris fend off the advances of America's Top Model? We'll have to tune in next week to see.



I hate how this show plays scenes over and over again. I feel like my life is slipping away as I watch this show. Da Brat starts the day by trying to get everyone to break up camp - she's all about the work. They get home and Glen Campbell's house has been turned into a day spa. Jane is full of happiness. But before massages, celebs are forced to meditate. Da Brat is void of alternative spirituality. Meditation makes Peter Brady toot. Adrianne even loves his farts. Verne looks freaked out by alternative massages but he is moved to tears when he finally gets into it. Da Brat's recon for Adrianne with Chris was charming. We also find out Joanie likes Marcus now. It's like 7th grade summer camp. They all go to a strip club sans sleeping Verne. Strippers love Emperor Brady. Adrianne obsessively talks about him. Chris is flattered but is no fool: "This is where my brain kicks in." She's not mature. It seems, we see from next week's preview, that Chris won't ever get the opportunity to make a decision without Adrianne running the gamut of dramatic emotions.

Coolia’s weekly rankings:

  1. Verne - climbs to the top of the rankings for breaking character by passing on the strip bar trip and showing emotion during the massage
  2. Joanie - her burgeoning romance with Marcus makes her more intriguing
  3. Marcus - his burgeoning romance with Joanie makes him more intriguing
  4. Chris - lots of shirtless scenes were a plus, but he was perhaps a bit too into being mauled by strippers.
  5. Jane - didn't contribute much to this episode
  6. Da Brat - it was good of her to clean up the campground, bad of her to aid Adrianne's Chris-catching efforts
  7. Adrianne - her endless assertions that she is in love with Peter Brady make me wonder if this love is for real. I'd appreciate a little less conversation, a little more action.

Nerdia’s weekly rankings:

  1. Chris - for having a brain that kicks in
  2. Jane - for being skeptical about these experiences but still able to exhibit pure glee
  3. Tie - Marcus and Joanie - their mutual admiration is the most interesting thing about them.
  4. Da Brat - she helped clean up and showed she could interact with the housemates by trying to make a love connection between Chris and Adrianne
  5. Verne - even after the humming massage, he's still anti-social
  6. Adrianne - an embarrassment to 7th graders the world over

  1. Your thoughts?

Read Ape Culture's commentary on Surreal Life Season 1
Read Ape Culture's commentary on Surreal Life Season 2
Read Ape Culture's commentary on Surreal Life Season 3


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