Coolia:Uh-oh, Corey calling in a house meeting.
The housemates are filled with trepidation and annoyance. Nerdia: He must think he's in an episode of 90210. Doesn't he realize
yet his monologues are futile? Coolia: Corey is sensitive. who knew! Muppet
news flash! Nerdia: He just wants everyone to be happy. Look! Even the dog
is listening! Coolia: Corey is crying...again. Even Brande's dog is annoyed by
him. Coolia: Brande asks Corey, "do you want us to help you pack?"
I don't think she meant that to sound bitchy, but it did. It broke the
tension. Group hug! Nerdia: Poor Vince. He doesn't look like he wants a group hug. Coolia: This wedding is a big production. I wonder if the tv show
paid the bill? We know corey has no money due to his parents stealing
it all from him. Nerdia: I think Corey let everyone know (on a show prior) that
he never would have been able to afford such a luxurious wedding sans
the cash cow that is Surreal Life. The daily house magazine reads "The
House Braces For Corey's Wedding" Coolia: I'd like to write for that rag. Nerdia: It would have to be a temp job. It looks like they have
to move Glen's glass tile pool chairs. I like those chairs. We have lots
of memories via camera shots of those chairs. Gabrielle is complaining
that she doesn't know anybody. News flash: It's not your wedding. Was
that Leif Garrett who just walked
in? Coolia: Vince's girlfriend flew in for the wedding. Suzi's mom
is creepy looking. She reveals that corey was suzi's teen idol! that's
creepy too. can we trust our judgments at age 10 or 12? if so I would
be married to Limahl or Simon Le Bon. Nerdia: I have to agree. I would be married to
Paul Sand if that were the case. Because I doubt I would have gotten
anywhere with Barry Manilow. I think
Corey is trying to out-dress the bride. Coolia: Corey has a wedding stylist. He looks ridiculous in that
outfit, but he could always get a job giving tours in historic Philadelphia. Nerdia: As the son of Ben Franklin. I hope that wacky Rabbi with
his religious/office-speak has some tips for me before I go into my next
business meeting. Here comes the Hef-mobile. Coolia: Hugh and the playmates arrive. Big hug from brande. Nerdia: Does Hugh ever sleep with redheads or brunettes or does
he require all his housemates to dye their hair blonde because the memories
of Barbie Benton are too painful? Coolia: "Too much celebrity and too much pop culture can sometimes
get in the way of living a real life" - wise words from hef.
My addiction to trashy reality shows like this one does get in the way
of my having a real life. Nerdia: Hugh is a TV show ho. He must be contractually obligated
to appear in any TV show or documentary in which a former playmate is
mentioned or featured. He's always saying meaningless blurbs like that...which
sound profound for a nanosecond until you realize he's not really saying
anything at all. Coolia: Pep talk from the guys. Hammer feels corey has matured. Nerdia: Vince's advice is good...I wonder if he follows it. Hammer's
was nice but Webster's sounded canned. Male group hug. Coolia: Corey is crying again, as suzi comes up the aisle. Nerdia: Are those real tears...I don't see any water. I think he's
faking it. He says, "Nobody didn't come who I wanted to see."
Does that mean if they didn't come, he didn't want to see them anyway?
What a cute little ring bearer. A temperamental redhead already. Coolia: Corey's vows have impact. Vince's girlfriend is crying.
Hef's helmethead playmate is crying. Probably cuz their men won't marry
them. Even jerri is crying! Despite all her corey teasing in the past. Nerdia: Did Suzi just say Corey was nurturing? Has she been watching
the show? Hugh's girlfriend looks sad but jaded. Vince wears interesting
jewelry. Hammer's rib excerpt is sexist. The dog is interrupting the ceremony
with his commentary: "This is crap!" Coolia: Vince reprises "the surreal life blues," but
this time the lyrics don't make much sense. Nerdia: Gabrielle is so white dancing to Vince's blues. Coolia: "Nothing but love" says corey, and they all do
seem to have a good time together. Corey is the first to leave. Now they
can all talk about him. Nerdia: No one saw them to the door. They all give a tight smiled
"it was fun". Corey and Suzi leave to start their honeymoon
in Reality. Coolia: They're all sad to be having their last supper together
and vowing to keep in touch. I have my doubts. Nerdia: I would watch a reunion show in 7 years. Coolia: Gab is up first. She has to leave early to get home before
her kids wake up for school. Why this is so urgent today as opposed to
the two weeks she hasn't been home, I'm not sure. Vince looks cute with
his tousled just got out of bed hair. He and gab have a tender moment.
Gab is crying as she goes. Nerdia: Gab and Vince bonded. Coolia: Jerri just declared her love for manny. I think he has
a crush on her. Nerdia: Jerri loves Manny! Jerri loves Manny! Jerri expressed relief
that this show allowed her to be "the kind, nice, generous person"
she really is. Coolia: Brande's dog can't wait to get out of there. Vince thinks
its toughest for him because he was the last person in the house and he
had to say goodbye to everyone. I'm not sure i understand that logic.
Didn't everyone say goodbye to everyone? Nerdia: I don't understand it either. He had to witness all the
goodbye-ing but only had to officially say his goodbyes once like everybody
else. When Vince leaves...who will feed the fish? Coolia: "We came here as strangers and we really left as friends"
- says Vince, voicing the dream of the show's creators. This "friends"
imitation ending is cute. appropriately cheesy. Nerdia: It's hokey and dumb. They probably all want to string Corey
up on the fountain. I didn't appreciate seeing Vince dancing like a NBC
starlet. How can he muster any dignity for evil rock shows now? He'll
need to make another porno tape just to get his image of dastardliness
Ape Culture Weekly Ranking (from least to most annoying)
It's a hazard of this job that, because Coolia and I lost
our initial chat on this week's episode, we had to watch it twice, Coolia
three times. Reality is so dull the first time. I feel I deserve hazard
pay this week. When I chose my rankings for this last episode, I decided
to consider the whole season and Jerri surprised me the most with her
sense of humor, her sureness and her not-so-bitchiness. Did she learn
valuable lessons from her Survivor experience or was she wrongfully
misedited. For the viewers sake, I hope she had a post-Survivor
epiphany but I doubt it. Most likely, Survivor's reality was
nothing but another edited fiction like all other reality shows. Which
makes the whole exercise of reality watching as pointless and manipulative
as a rigged game show. I was not a fan of MC Hammer's before this show
and was expecting some kind of hyper-spaz popster who couldn't get over
his WhereIsHeNow-ness. My college boyfriend and I used to have big agreements
about his dancing talent...which he scaled to brilliant and I
scaled down at low-to-none. But from the first episode, his simple
profundities won me over. Here is a celebrity with a life, a much more
rounded character than what we found on even his old Behind the Music
episode. Vince fared well for me, too, with his reality checks and mild-mannered-ness.
He has an appealing Eyeore quality. Brande is also very likeable, not
as a best friend, but like a cousin. Manny's likeability went up and down.
I don't feel like he ever let his guard down. Gabrielle, I didn't like
so well. For most episodes she seemed full of herself. She had little
patience for Corey (and his perpetual puberty) which means when her own
kids hit puberty, she will be in some kind of Corey-Hell. I'd like to
see that show. And then there's Corey himself. Well, haven't
we already said so much? Corey's laser like focus on himself throughout
his own wedding was par for the course: Corey: "Everyone was there
for me" and ten other comments to that effect. He may as well have
been marrying himself. He loved the attention. Suzi was just a prop. He
seemed to feel this was his shining moment and everyone was there for
him. Which means he didn't really get married in any real sense.
"Nothing but love" and a bunch of cameras to make people be
nice to you, Corey. Hammer called the whole show "a meaningful experience"...which
is why it probably made such boring television. Life or television. Pick
Although Corey showed courage in reconciling with his
roommates this week and declared true love for Suzi in a seemingly genuine
way, I am still finding him annoying. However, I don't think the show
would have been interesting at all without him. He provided all the conflict
and excitement. The rest of the celebs seemed content to hang out and
have fun. They didn't really stretch themselves emotionally, except for
Vince who had to talk about his daughter dying of cancer and endure being
slain in the spirit courtesy of Hammer. But that was all engineered by
the producers. I doubt Vince would have brought it up on his own. We emerge
from the show not knowing anything about Manny, Jerri, or Gab. What is
Manny doing for a living these days? Does Jerri have a boyfriend? How
old are Gab's kids? These three kept a really low profile. I don't think
The Surreal Life achieved The Real World's goal of "getting
real." These celebs played it pretty close to the vest. More emphasis
was put on bizarre and potentially humiliating chores such as delivering
brownies to the neighbors and throwing a talent show than on deep conversations.
Nobody hooked up. So, without the fights that Corey inspired, the show
would have been very dull indeed, and it seems right that the final episode
was all about him. His TV wedding, though more tender and genuine than
I expected it to be, still conjures up the ghost of Tiny Tim. Hammer counseled
Corey around the campfire to stop complaining and get a life, and it remains
to be seen if he can use this wedding and the fame/infamy from this reality
show to make something of himself.
Which cast member is aggravating your soul? Who would you like to see
kicked off and who would you replace them with? Please share.
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