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Celebrity Zoo:
A Review of The Surreal Life

Starring: MC Hammer, Emmanuel Lewis, Brande Roderick,
Corey Feldman, Gabrielle Carteris, Vince Neil, & Jerri Manthey

Because the show The Surreal Life (airing Thursdays on the WB) sparked such a animated dialogue between the editors, Ape Culture has decided to do a weekly commentary.

Week Seven: Corey's Wedding (2/20/03)
Week Six: Celebrity Balls (2/13/03)
Week Five: Whose Date Is It Anyway? (2/7/03)
Week Four: Debauchery/Repentance (1/30/03)
Week Three: The Celebrity Gong Show (1/23/03)
Week Two: Celebrities in the Wild (1/16/03)
Week One: Celebrity Zoo Debut (1/9/03)

Week Two: Celebrities in the Wild (1/16/03)

Coolia: Yo rib.
Nerdia: Yo bat. The show's about to start. Is it only a half hour today?
Coolia: Been there, watched that. Yep.
Nerdia: Corey is in the process of boring everyone to death.
Coolia: This show is going to ruin him more than he was already ruined. Who talks about serious stuff at 8:30 in the morning? Vince looks cute in his ski hat.
Nerdia: I'm liking Emmanuel Lewis more this show.
Coolia: Emmanuel Lewis comes off good in this one and hammer comes off better (in my view) than last time. Webster doesn't laugh...that helps a lot.
Nerdia: I liked that they both talked with the truck stop folk. 
Coolia: Actually i think everyone comes off ok in this episode except corey. and gab is annoying for repacking vince's bag.
Nerdia: That was funny...she's such the Mrs Mom. A good match with Vince.
Coolia: Actually hammer kind of annoyed me with the truckers because he has to emphasize that they are "normal working people"...he used the same phrase in the first show when talking about clerks...i find it condescending. Hammer is annoying when he gets all manic and starts doing his too legit to quit type chants like in the race.
Nerdia: How bout when hammer was trying to counsel corey who tried to bring the room down with his career chat. Hammer's stop whining speech.
Coolia: I liked the corey lecture.
Nerdia: Corey refuses to hear it.
Coolia: Woe is me, says corey, and hammer is quick to point out, "hey corey, you're getting paid to live your life on tv while others of us are busy fetching coffee for millionaires or assembling egg mcmuffins or working in car washes."
Nerdia: He's one of the most annoying celebrities on earth
Coolia: Even vince seems annoyed by corey and they are the most alike as wild boys
Nerdia: He was really annoying when he said to Vince about the idea of camping: "this is something us type people don't do"...like a) celebrities just don't camp (but Webster loves camping!) and b) he puts himself in a class with vince. it boggles the mind. This episode is like celebrities in the wild.
Coolia: Did you notice jerri's "please dont make us be wrong" was one of the highlights from last week. we were right to incorporate it into our catch-phrase vocabulary.
Nerdia: Yes although I forgot the preamble "do us a favor...don't make us be wrong". I'm glad Vince is feeding the fish...somebody has to.
Coolia: It must be his chore. Gabrielle probably designated it to him. I wish they would make the celebs clean the house. I get the impression they have servants come in and do it cuz it looks neat.
Nerdia: they can barely cook a frank let alone vacuum Glen Cambell's retro chairs.
Regarding Emmanuel Lewis and Brande Roderick winning the Survivor-esque competition:
Coolia: Brande had an advantage. Manny was easy to bury.
Nerdia: Corey is such a dope. He wanted to be pushed out to sea by Hammer.
Coolia: Corey is angst personified. I hope that girl gets some sense and doesn't marry corey. Imagine those monologues over breakfast for the rest of your life?
Nerdia: Jerri moved up this week for me.
Coolia: I liked it when jerri asked if they got to vote on this show and said corey would be gone if they did. Why did Brande annoy you? She's innocuous.
Nerdia: She didn't annoy me much at all...she was the bar of mediocrity this episode...all above her I liked; all below her I disliked.
Coolia: And you put manny first.
Nerdia: Manny impressed me this episode...with his love of camping and truck drivers. And his championship of the Survivor trials.
Coolia: I love truck drivers too.
Nerdia: Would you rather corey or manny?
Coolia: Corey. Picture manny naked. I'd do Corey with a ball gag in his mouth.
Nerdia: That would have to be a requirement...He would probably keep talking.
Coolia: Corey, please make me be wrong!
Nerdia: "manny! make mommy wrong. make mommy wrong!"
Coolia: "manny, slap my ass and call me ma'am!"

Ape Culture Weekly Ranking (from least to most annoying)


Nerdia Coolia
  1. Emmanuel Lewis
  2. Vince Neil
  3. MC Hammer
  4. Jerri Manthey
  5. Brande Roderick
  6. Gabrielle Carteris
  7. Corey Feldman
  1. Vince Neil
  2. Jerri Manthey
  3. Brande Roderick
  4. Emmanuel Lewis
  5. Gabrielle Carteris
  6. MC Hammer
  7. Corey Feldman

Nerdia’s Notes

As stated in the chat above, Emmanuel jumped to the top of my list for his love of camping and truck drivers and for being the ultimate underdog celebrity to win the Celebrity Zoo Games. Vince and Hammer are basically neck and neck, but Vince inched slightly ahead because he did absolutely nothing annoying and was a good sport during the outdoor ordeal (although he did nothing really outstanding either); Hammer, on the other hand, was annoying at least once with his over-enthusiasm. Jerri earned points this week for toning down the bitchiness but retaining her snide celebrity commentary and laughing outright when watching celebrities trying to do manual labor like rowing boats and setting up tents. Brande was, as Coolia stated, innocuous and completely non-annoying. Gabrielle annoyed me only once when she called Brande "sweetie". But I'd like to point out, in Gabrielle's defense (considering she's #6 in my ranking this week), there is a huge gap between Gabrielle and Corey Feldman, who blew the lid off the scales of annoying this week. We'll see if he can maintain his incredible record as being simply the most annoying celebrity on the show.

Coolia’s Notes

I said in the chat that I was liking Hammer better this week, but when I sat down to think about my annoyance rankings, I still had to put Hammer as the second most annoying. However, like Nerdia, there is a huge gap between #2 and #1 as Corey is annoying me on the level of Puck in Real World 2 or Nikki McKibbin on American Idol. We're talking annoyance on an epic scale. But, anyway, back to Hammer, although I admire him for having principles and for attempting to dish out some tough love to Corey, I still dislike his manic "too legit 2 quit" routines. I'm not sure he can control this behavior. He's a bit like an old woman talking to herself on the 7 train. I also find his over-emphasis on his interaction with "normal working people" to be kind of forced. And then let's face it, I bring some baggage to this show, having never been a fan of Hammer in his harem-pants "Hammertime!" heyday. Jerri is filling a much-needed role as the Marilyn Munster of this show. Brande is just sorta there. Gab needs to show another side besides her mothering and advice-giving soon or we will think she really is Andrea Zuckerman. Emmanuel rose in my rankings by not laughing like a hyena and by displaying self-deprecation abilities which are so rare in Hollywood. And Vince, while he did nothing special on this show, retained his cool detachment from the proceedings while looking good in his ski hat and demonstrating rowing talent. And that is enough to keep him at #1 for me for the second straight week. To quote Vince himself in the classic Motley Crue tune "Wild Side," Vince Neil is truly "kicking ass on the wild side!"

Which cast member is aggravating your soul? Who would you like to see kicked off and who would you replace them with? Please share.


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