Your unauthorized biographer Melissa Rossi will later
describe you thusly, noting your crush on Julian
Cope as your first foray into groupieland. You're only seventeen (isn't
that a Warrant song?) when you
land in Liverpool and immediately latch onto Julian, the lead singer of
a popular new wave band named Teardrop Explodes. You lose your virginity
not to Julian, but to Michael Mooney, a boy who's in love with Julian,
too. The background music is Joy Division, but it should have been, "If
you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."
Julian becomes hostile toward you after a while, so you head back to Portland,
affecting a British accent and telling tales about all the Brit bands
you met. It's not long before you find a new crush, Rozz Rezabek, lead
singer of a local band called Theater of Sheep. You're sure Rozz has star
power and you help him with his look and stage presence. He introduces
you to Valley of the Dolls. It's the only book in his library...but
he has 37 different editions. You identify with one of the heroines.
