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Oh well, Miss Thriller-Thang thinks you’re a weirdo anyway.

As part of the Victory tour with The Jacksons, you decide to endorse Pepsi but only under the condition that you are not to be shown ever drinking the stuff. While filming the commercial, your hair catches on fire. Your personal bodyguard (Marlon Brando’s homicidal son Miko) burns his fingers trying to put you out. You suffer 2nd and 3rd degree burns. While you are wheeled away on a stretcher, you wave that stupid one white glove to the camera. You serve Pepsi with a multi-million dollar law suit for igniting you. They counter that it was your excessive hair goo that was flammable.

Meanwhile, the Victory tour ticket-disaster is not going well. Tickets are an outrageous $30.00 and tickets have to be purchased in groups of four…purchased by money order only, months in advance. Not surprisingly, tickets aren't selling and black, urban fans are complaining that you have turned your back on them. Which brings us to the fact that you are looking a little whiter these days. And your nose is three times smaller than its original version and you have a cleft in your chin where there was no cleft before. Rumor has it that your voice is actually very deep but that you sing and talk in falsetto to keep up the illusion of your purity and youth.

An actual pure and youthful eleven year old writes an open letter about your blatant greediness and you respond by give away thousands of unsold tickets to charities and inner-city kids. You befriend Sean Lennon as your new best-bud but you show up with Brooke Shields to public functions. She is only a figure-hoe, though. Passion and horniness aren't emanating from you. You take her along when you are invited to meet Ronald and Nancy Reagan at the White House but while you are there you freak out and lock yourself in the White House bathroom.

You invite Prince over for dinner because you are secretly jealous of his popularity. He comes over, hands you a pile of twigs, leaves and a tape of chants and hits on Latoya. You rescue a monkey from a lab, name him Bubbles and carry him around everywhere in a diaper…to award shows, public appearances. People are starting to openly think you are loony.

Janet elopes with James DeBarge of the group DeBarge. He and Janet move back into your parents'/your house which James dubs "A House of Fear". Later, when Janet and James are no longer married, James claims he often saw bodyguards smuggling 9-14 year-old boys into the house late at night. James and said bodyguards will also later claim that you were sometimes caught in bed with these boys.

You get wind of a project for charity that has united many musicians for one important cause. It is called Band-Aid and you and your friends decide to rip it off. What is your charity called?

USV for Africa

USA for Africa

MFA for Africa

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