LIVIN’ CRAZY, THAT’S THE ONLY WAY
You are a freak and even you are beginning to lose respect for yourself. You blame every dorky move you’ve ever made on your lost childhood. You dedicate the rest of your life to acting like a spoiled adolescent, the spoiled adolescent that you never were and that if you were, any respectable parent would have to spank you daily for being. The rest of the world blames your incessant and irritating behavior now on the parents-of-a-spoiled-brat you never had.
Undeterred, you buy a big house and dub the place Neverland Ranch because either you honestly think you are Peter Pan or you plan to use such a tempting name to lure unsuspecting 10-year olds into your Gingerbread house.
The compound contains a 2-story video arcade, a carousel that plays "Like A Virgin", an Indian Village with a water fort, popcorn stands, a mini-train, a bumper car tent, a man-made lake, a Ferris Wheel, a gazebo where Elizabeth Taylor (soon to be a celebrity adventure) and Larry Fortensky are soon to be married, and a zoo with 200 animals.
Your real estate advisor tries to talk you out of buying property in an area so sparsely populated. Meanwhile, you are whining that you are one of the loneliest people in the world. By the way, a school for 3-11 year olds is 30ft away from your property. You surround your house with portraits of yourself surrounded by children and statues of children abound.
You begin your Dangerous tour with a new special friend in tow… an 11 year old boy, his sister and his mom. You buy his parents large gifts like cars. Staff members later say that they caught you sleeping with the boy. Staff members also claim that they lived in a state of fear, not allowed to talk with each other and most importantly, that your room was off-limits to all staff. No one even cleans it and food trays must be left outside the door.
In 1989, you make Moonwalker. Latoya runs off with Jack Gordon, a former brothel owner. She poses in Playboy and writes a tell-all book about your family’s dysfunction. Joe and Katharine are drowning in financial woes and none of their well-off kids will throw them a lifeline. Randy has been jailed over spousal abuse. He has a love child, as does Joe. Jackie has been in trouble for his affairs and spousal abuse. Jermaine has been in trouble for an attempted spousal rape, post-separation, and Tito has cheated on his wife as well. You are on your fourth of six nose jobs and you wear band-aids on all your fingers for no reason. Your grandparents are on welfare and you have millions to spare.
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