Home | Blog | Advice | Books | Features | Food | Games & Quizzes | Holidays | Media Morph | Movies | Music | Poetry
Requiems | Store | Television | Travel | About Us | Archive


Web www.apeculture.com   

even leave their rockstars for....PASSION

Your alimony battle with Alana is infamously long and dastardly. It will take seven years to settle.

In the meantime, you play Sun City in 1983 during a time when no one is playing Sun City. Do you dare cash-in on apartheid? Apparently, people mistake you for someone who gives a hoot. You are in for a rude awakening. You become blacklisted. Your records stiff. Your mother and sister develop Multiple Sclerosis and you want to be involved in the star-studded benefit for the cause. The other artists don't want you there. So you're not. Live Aid snubs you as well. No one considers you a serious artist except Kelly Emberg who gives birth to your third child in 1987. She hangs around for years thinking you will marry her but you put off marriage. You have this lousy alimony suit to sort out and a divorce with Alana to finalize. Besides, you have Epstein Barr. You're too pooped. But not too pooped to cheat. In your defense you say you're a SUPERSTAAA: you can't be expected to make public appearances alone. You have a reputation to maintain, a responsibility to the people who need to see you as someone who always has a bird on his arm. It's the part of your job you take very seriously. Kelly gets tired of waiting and leaves.

You meet New Zealander Rachel Hunter, quickly resolve your differences with Alana and marry Rachel all within 18-months. Kelly Emberg is all "wait a cotton pickin' minute! You fixed up things with Alana darn fast!"

And so begins another another lawsuit saga. Its $10 million this time...for emotional duress, something any woman who sleeps with you should claim, along with lost earnings, lost IQ, lost repute. Soon Alana will be suing for increased alimony as well. For pete's sake, these birds are pooping on your parade!

This is your last chance to give up your skanky habits:

When you see a chance, do you take it?

Sigh. I don't know why I even bother with these damn alternate choices!

Back to the Beginning of the Story


Ape Culture and all associated pages are
ŠApe Culture 1998-2007 and evermore.

Click here to learn about
the Ape editors' book

Check out the Ape Blog for the latest Ape Culture News and Reviews

Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay Learn More

Free Greeting Cards from Bravenet
Retrieving an Ape Card?
Enter Card Pick-up ID below: