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You set up house with Rachel. Things are pretty happy-family in the videos. Some woman claims you did her Aerosmith-style in an elevator. You allegedly call her "a smelly shitbag fucking bastard bitch." No, you're not a chauvinistic-pig, you are a child. Our mistake. Two kids later, the real shocker of your life occurs: Rachel leaves you! She's bored by her endless life of trips to the pub with you and nights in front of the tube watching soccer.

You are pretty torn up. You decide your new goal will be to lay many birds. No one cares anymore. You're getting kind of old. South Park is making fun of you. You date Hugh Hefner's ex-wife. You proclaim that you are deeply in like with her. Soon, you are asking Tracy Tweed to marry you. It's all very sad. Rachel Hunter becomes a veritable superhero among feminists. Even Howard Stern is impressed by her powers and tries to entice her into taunting Rod, The Pod on the air. But a Superhero never looks back.

It's the end of the day, Rod. You're looking dated. It's time for a playboy to learn new tricks. Unless you really are a one trick pony. Don't let them put you down. Don't let them push you around. And change your hairstyle for cryin' out loud.

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