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Yes, you discover that there's a big, interesting world out there, more than sex, football and rock-and-roll. It's hard to believe, but there is. You decide to begin a spiritual journey around the world. You are enriched by helping solve the plights of the downtrodden. You fork over all material goods and become a monk for 3.7 years and then you become a best-selling new age healer, with a cult-like band of devout followers who eventually become too over-zealous and castrate themselves and drink poisoned fruity-punch because they misinterpreted some comments you made about giving your life over to a higher power. The public blames you for the mass suicide and you are disgraced and sued by the families of your misfortunate doobies. The National Enquirer tries to pin a story on you about how you slept with the underage boys of your congregation. Rumor has it one day you were rushed to the hospital to have your stomach pumped of many pounds of male sperm.

About a year after your disgrace, your parishioners are miraculously resurrected and you are hailed as Rod, the God.

Hey, I don't buy this either. Go become a milk-dud. I think it's God's plan or something.

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