Ape Culture - Chat Room Review of the 2002 Golden Globe Awards

Chat Room Review of the 2002 Golden Globe Awards

Inventing a Golden Globes Drinking Game

Starring:

Coolia = Julie Wiskirchen
GeeSo = Gayle Soberg
Jamonit = Traveling Jam
Stine = Christine Horace
LaMoll = Molly Denver
Kath = Kathleen Leser

[Stine] Do they get tired of having to sit with people that they worked with 2 years ago?

[LaMoll] Nice dress, Halle Berry.

[Coolia] Jennifer Connelly wins. Does this foreshadow a Dreamworks sweep for A Beautiful Mind?

[Stine] Everybody drink whenever Dreamworks is thanked.

[Coolia] Sarah Jessica Parker, we dont like the hair.

[Jamonit] That dress makes her boobs sag. but it's a very Korean style...only Koreans cover up the top half. i think Sarah looks shiny too.

[Coolia] Sela Ward - how would you describe that dress?

[Stine] Butt ugly. Bad prom dress.

[LaMoll] Heinous

[GeeSo] How inappropriate for a 45 year-old. But at least it had color. Everyone's wearing black tonight .

[Coolia] Charlie Sheen wins - good comeback for him.

[LaMoll] Hugh Jackman..he's all man.

[Coolia] Sex and the City wins best comedy show! Kim Catrall - cool dress...it's orange.

[Coolia] Band of Brothers wins best mini series...Dreamworks..everybody drink.

[LaMoll] Keifer Sutherland! lets hear it for the brat pack.

[Jamonit] Kiefer looks tan - nice that he won though. hasn't he been ignored for awhile?

[Coolia] Ithink Kiefer has been using fake tan.

[GeeSo] Could be. He's naturally pasty so any color is suspicious on him.

[Stine] Judy Davis..she looks like she bought that dress at Casual Corner or Ann Taylor. Her hair looks like she cut it herself.

[Coolia] The Judy Garland movie looks good though.

[Stine] They've all got on silver ties.

[Coolia] Harrison Ford is doing a lot of schmoozing. He must be drunk.

[Stine] Renee Zelwegger has slits for eyes.

[Coolia] Gene Hackman! yes!

[LaMoll] Looks like Nicole Kidman has bangs issues.

[Stine] She's keeping her head up so we don't see her goody barette.

[Coolia] Akiva Goldman wins best screenplay for A Beautiful Mind and thanks Spielberg...everybody drink!

[LaMoll] Nice speech, Jennifer Garner...self-deprecation goes a long way..."I know i was good in Dude, Where's My Car."

[Kath] Buffy should have won. Jennifer Garner strikes good poses in outfits. I'm not sure that qualifies as acting.

[Coolia] That guy is talking too much for just winning best score

[Coolia] Rachel Griffiths - is that a wind chime or a dress?

[Jamonit] She looks like a poodle.

[Stine] Big night for the aussies.

[Coolia] Young Ryan Philippe...he held his own in Gosford Park.

[Coolia] Cameron Diaz..ugh...I think it's safe to say we hate this dress, collectively.

[Kath] Yes, it looks like a beach towel or polyester blanket.

[LaMoll] We like Sting.

[Kath] Sting's cute.

[GeeSo] Is Jessica Alba trying to be all Angelina Jolie from last year with the white suit thing?

[GeeSo] If you're on HBO or an Australian - you win!

[Coolia] Iguess now that i have HBO i should really be watching The Sopranos and Six Feet Under.

[Jamonit] And Sex in the Citay.

[Kath] Would you consider that homework?

[Jamonit] I thought Julia Louis looked very nice (oh my..did i just say something KIND?).

[Stine] Alan Ball's eyes are so far apart they might as well be ears and his nose is mad crooked.

[Kath] GeeSo and I are not sure who the Hollywood Foreign Press actually are.

[Jamonit] Yeah - was wondering the same thing. H - foreign ?? press?? do they report overseas? are they all foreigners?

[Coolia] They are foreign movie critics...but they are mysterious.

[Jamonit] Do they report about foreigners?

[Kath] Are they overseas reporters?

[Coolia] Like the movie critic for The London Times would be a member.

[Jamonit] So if you're not American, you're foreign.

[Jamonit] What if you live in LA, write a story for The London Times, but are French?

[Coolia] I think anyone outside of America who reviews movies in print or on TV.

[GeeSo] You're either with us or against us.

[Coolia] Is it polically correct to call people foreign?

[Jamonit] I don't think so akchually.

[Coolia] Whoever they are, they throw a good party...i mean, look at all that schmoozing.

[Stine] I've been reduced to enough boredom to pick up Cosmo.

[Jamonit] I'm bored too and it's only the first hour of the show here on the west coast. Why do we continue to torture ourselves?

[Jamonit] If it's only the foreign press that puts on the show, that explains all the Limeys.

[Kath] Does the show need more Americans we can be properly be catty about? I'm not sure we really want to be catty about Rachel Griffiths--whereas with Meg Ryan it's easy.

[Coolia] I have nothing catty to say about Rachel Griffiths except that her dress looked like a wind chime.

[LaMoll] Poor Ben Kingsley. He didn't win either of the awards he was nominated for.

[Coolia] Well, at least Ben can be secure in the knowledge that he's still a sexy beast in your eyes.

[GeeSo] Ben Affleck is replacing Harrison Ford in the Jack Ryan movies? Huh? Whose bad decision was that?

[Coolia] Ireally dont like those Tom Clancy movies...Ben can have them..I mark them as the start of Harrison's downward spiral.

[Kath] Will we be watching Tom Cruise accept that award in twenty years?

[Coolia] Look at HF's earring.

[Stine] He's got an earring because he's got cool friends like Ed Bradley. He's so stoic sitting there.

[Kath] What good movies has HF been in besides Witness? I can't think of them.

[GeeSo] Working Girl!

[Coolia] Mosquito Coast, Frantic

[Kath] Oh, I guess if I were watching instead of typing I'd know.

[Coolia] The Fugitive..that was a good one.

[GeeSo] Yeah, he so outshone Tommy Lee Jones. Can i throw in something about Tommy's ugliness even if he's not part of the awards show?

[Kath] Look, it's Celestia.

[Coolia] Six Days, Seven Nights is so bad it shouldn't even be part of this montage.

[Kath] Highest grossing film star...oh so it's all about money, Ben.

[Coolia] Blade Runner..that was a great movie.

[Stine] Get a haircut, Brad.

[Jamonit] Does anyone know...is Jennifer Aniston preggers?

[GeeSo] Idon't think so. I subscribe to People and that little bit of news would be in there.

[Coolia] You're brave to admit that..if you like, i can edit it out of this transcript.

[GeeSo] No way! Iwant the world to know.

[Jamonit] Hey, gotta keep up on that stuff. I usually watch ET (sister makes me) and they hadn't said anything...

[Kath] Harrison's really dull.

[Coolia] He's trying to be humble.

[Kath] He's still dull.

[Kath] The nominated directors all look ancient.

[Coolia] Not Baz.

[GeeSo] OK, i predict Ron Howard.

[Coolia] Robert Altman! ooooh cool!

[Stine] That Lord of the Rings director looks like Bruce Villanch.

[Coolia] Does the foreign press vote on a best foreign film? because it wouldnt be foreign to them.

[Kath] It would be to most of them.

[GeeSo] Iwas telling Kath that Kevin Spacey was going to get on a soapbox about Ted Demme. He did the same thing on the red carpet.

[Coolia] Yeah, Stine is not so proud of her celebrity obsession at the moment, especially after the two crap films he put out this year...The Shipping News and K-Pax.

[Kath] Shrek...I have a hard time watching movies filled with clay things.

[GeeSo] Reese Witherspoon is so cool. i loved Legally Blond.

[Jamonit] Reese is cool. Her hubby was being kind of a dorkus at the arrival thingy...
I forget what he was saying - Dick Clark was being dumb too...asking her if she had problems being blonde and she said no...that it was more problematic being Southern. Dick then said "Oh, so you're Southern and blonde." Guffaw guffaw.

[GeeSo] Dick Clark sucks at red carpet stuff. He's no Joan. He's not even Melissa.

[Jamonit] Dick wasn't making any sense. He did suck indeed.

[GeeSo] Here comes the sanctimony...

[Coolia] Every time Tom Hanks come on we have to see an adoring gaze from his wife.

[Coolia] Hmm, Sissy Spacek wins best actress...I thought Halle Berry would win.

[Stine] She looks like she's been gardening all day.

[GeeSo] Give it up for the coal miner's daughter.

[Coolia] And Carrie...she's wearing that jacket so nobody can see her dirty pillows.

[Coolia] There's Angelina's pantsuit again...on Annette Bening this time.

[GeeSo] And for once she's not pregnant.

[Coolia] the beret on Billy Bob...never a good fashion choice

[Coolia] Is that Russell Crowe's Australian bimbo girlfriend?

[Kath] Doesn't he have a lot of female buddies?

[Coolia] Russell starts his acceptance speech with "g'day"...see, he doesn't want people to forget he's just a regular bloke.

[LaMoll] He said Dreamworks...everybody drink.

[GeeSo] At least he's wearing a real tie this year - no little string thingy.

[Kath] He can still cut the hair and lose the saggy man breasts.

[Coolia] Denzel never gets any love from these award shows.

[Kath] Didn't Hollywood already honor him for Glory?

[Coolia] Yeah, but that was just supporting actor.

[Kath] Hollywood isn't as PC as it wants to be?

[Kath] A Beautiful Mind, best picture. That's what I figured.

[Coolia] Me too, but i thought maybe Lord of the Rings. Mel Gibson's losing his hair.

[GeeSo] And his beauty.

[Coolia] Imagine that..an awards show that ended early. now we get a minute of Dick Clark freestylin'.

[GeeSo] This show is NOT the biggest hollywood party of the year. I wish they would stop saying that.

[Coolia] That show could have used a few production numbers.

[GeeSo] Yeah. Everyone always complains about them, but they do give respite. Could have been cool to see Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor sing.

[Coolia] It breaks up the dullness with a different kind of dullness.

[GeeSo] Exactly.

All photos borrowed from Yahoo's compilation of AP and Reuters photos.

E Online's coverage and a list of all the winners

Read our chat room reviews of the Oscars, AMAs, VMAs, past Golden Globes, etc.

Discuss award shows and the pervasiveness of Dreamworks in our culture.

Click here to learn about
the Ape editors' book

Check out the Ape Blog for the latest Ape Culture News and Reviews

Amazon Honor System