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BEN, YOUR HEAD IS ROLLING HERE AND THERE

You have talent busting out of your body and you just can’t resist. You pick up the guitar and Joe is furious with you. He catches that rat Ben, your only friend, and he holds a knife to his throat. "Didn’t I tell you not to hang around with anyone outside the family!" he yells. You cry and beg him not to slice Ben's tiny throat but Joe smiles and beheads the furry little rodent as if he were peeling an onion. You are so distraught that you work every night on a rock-opera about Ben. You record the song with the help of Ben’s friends at the Secret of Nimh Recording Studio located in a kitchen crawl space. You go on to become a child star. You tap dance and sing and everyone thinks you are adorable with your dimples. You grow out of the Shirley Temple roles and you go on to college and marry well and eventually become an ambassador to Iraq. Because of your skill, Saddam never gains power there and the US never declares war on them. Everyone always remembers you fondly for this; and every year at Oscar time, you are always in the obligatory montage of the best moments in film since the beginning of the medium. You die happy but never forget your inspiration, that little rat Ben…that’s because you keep his head in a box under your bed.

The End.

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