Ape Culture - Michael Jackson Celebrity Adventure

NO, WE'RE NEVER GONNA SURVIVE UNLESS WE GET A LITTLE PASTY...

Deformities happen. Get over it. You will not be able to affect the "adolescent boy-man" forever. Wrinkles will come and you will wither-up. Deal! There aren’t enough face-lifts in the world to keep you alive, Norma-Desmond-boy. As it is, you look freakish hiding behind those limpish curls of hair strategically placed over your right eye. You realize that your only two choices in life are to face the defect, embrace it and write country songs about it or get out of show-business altogether and live a deformed-hermit's life like Mel Gibson did in that movie where he had no face…except that he actually did have a face and he was still cute because he was Mel Gibson, for cryin' out loud. It’s like that movie he made with Julia Roberts where he was crazy and she said she wouldn’t go out with him because he was crazy. Oh, right! Like who wouldn’t sleep with Mel Gibson even if he was crazy and indigent? Well, maybe if he was indigent no one would sleep with him because everyone would ignore him and not realize he looked like Mel Gibson.

Regardless, you do not look like Mel Gibson or Julia Roberts and if you get out of show-biz, you will not be able to support yourself because your parents neglected your Renaissance-man side and you can only do one thing: perform. You can't type or lay bricks or write speeches, or serve peaches to the elderly or anything else so you would become indigent (you're already crazy). So, you decide to embrace your deformity and record a duet with Seal. Together you form the Not So Terrible Facial Deformities Foundation (NSTFDF) and you save the world of pock-marked teens and patchy skinned adults all over the world. The Ethiopians still starve to death, but they look good.

The End.

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