Ape Culture - A Haiku Requiem for Constantine Maroulis of American Idol

A Haiku Requiem for Constantine

By Julie Wiskirchen

Last week, I watched in shock as my favorite contestant, Constantine Maroulis, got voted off American Idol. This hurt me more than last year's devastating dismissal of JPL. It's true, Constantine may not have been the best singer, but he was certainly better than scary girlfriend-beater Scott Savol and Boy Band reject Anthony Federov who remain in the running. Since Constantine's run on American Idol was as brief as a haiku, I decided to commemorate it and cope with my pain in that poetic form.

Rock god separates from band and strives to convert the lost pop masses. He catches my eye-- long hair, rock star swagger. Wish we'd met back in Queens.
Imperfect teeth and pitch, but smile, charisma, ripped jeans more than suffice.
Hollywood drama Bo makes the cut, so does Con. Top thirty rocks hard. Bo uses talent, Constantine shows sex appeal. Both make the top twelve.
Under-impressive vocally in early weeks. Chicks vote, keep him safe. Constantine, I think I love you, even when you sing that Partridge crap
Owning the stage, he makes love to the camera "Smoldering Idol"
He dares to wear the white jacket for disco week, fills Travolta's shoes No Wayne's World laughs greet Constantine's "Bohemian Rhapsody". Awesome!
Sub-par performance but certainly not the worst. Fan base deserts Con. Paula cries, hugs his Mom. Audience gasps. On stage, Constantine's gracious. While conspiracy theories echo, I guess old fans like me don't vote. Constantine sent home!?! This is how you remind me America's dumb.
I feel sick until I spy Con's old band's album climbing up the charts Constantine, please don't despair. Quick! Try out to be INXS singer!

Visit the official website of Pray For The Soul of Betty - Constantine's old band

Visit a Yahoo! Group to commiserate with other Constantine Fans

Visit Fox's Official American Idol site

Read our haikus on American Idol - Season 1

Read our haiku tribute to Simon Cowell

Ride the American Idol Audition Simulator