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The Editors of Ape Culture
wage haiku warfare:

Bill Paxton
Bill Pullman



Bill Paxton
By Julie Wiskirchen

Bill Pullman
By Mary Ladd

Hoop earring, stubble
Forget Titanic diamond
And plunder me, Bill.


Serpent and The Bill
Buried alive in voodoo.
Don't suffocate, Love.

Shrewish Jami Gertz
Chased you while you chased twisters
Cows flew, my heart skipped.


Jealous husband in
A cheesy brad pitt movie.
Lost little puppy.

Evening Star moved me
How I wept as you endured
Shirley Maclaine's kiss


Bewildered hero
In wacky situations
Sexy clown of love

Boxing Helena
Cut off my arms and legs, Stud.
Immobilize me.


Bill, the crocodile
cop: bust the monster in me,
Plunge my Lake Placid

Small town bean counter
With big dreams and dim brother.
You're cute in flannel.


Bill Pullman can kick
Bill Paxton's ass and still be
My sensitive man.

White bread Bill Pullman
So bland he'll never be a star.
Paxton's not afraid.


Stubbly raw Paxton:
Best served to hoosiers with beer,
Trailer mix and ham.

Bill Paxton has more
Talent in his sideburns than
Pullman possesses.


I knew there would have
to be somthing in there, those
Chia-pet sideburns!

If you like these, you'll LOVE our other celebrity love haikus.

Which Bill would you defend?


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