Ape Culture - Caustic Acrostic Video Reviews

Anybody can write a movie review, but only Ape Culture brings you acrostic poems about the latest video releases and dusty classics you may have overlooked. What is an acrostic? Something that Rex Reed isn't smart enough to concoct, even with his alliterative name. An acrostic is a poem that you can read and enjoy, and then you can read down the first letter in each row of the acrostic to reveal the secret message. It's like back masking-only not Satanic!

Marshall Mathers made a movie
And it’s good. It’s a gritty, fascinating,
Rocky story, set in 1995 before the
Sudden violent deaths of Biggie and Tupac
Had forever altered the rap world.
Apparently based on Eminem’s own story and
Lensed by the well-respected Curtis Hanson, who made
L. A. Confidential, this movie deserves to

Be a blockbuster. It’s well acted, even by first-timer
Eminem, who carries the movie with an angry presence. Kim Basinger
And Mekhi Phifer lend able support to the MC.
The film takes us into Detroit ’s toughest clubs to
See the rap battles that brought Eminem fame and it creates appreciation for

The creativity and quick thinking that rapping requires.
Hip hop should gain respect from the masses, thanks to
Eminem, who tones down his homophobia and misogyny. But his

Rage is still apparent, and this movie lets us
Appreciate where it comes from—the trailer
Park, the factory, life on the margins.

The Bob Crane story comes to the screen,
Helmed by Paul Schrader, a specialist in
Edgy stories about tortured souls.

D.J. Bob Crane (Greg Kinnear) gets the lead role in Hogan's Heroes. His success
Exceeds his dreams and brings him into contact with a sleazy,
Parasitic A/V specialist (Willem Defoe) who befriends him,
Takes him to strip clubs and draws out
His dark, porn-loving side.
Sex, lies, and videotape lead Crane into not

One but two wrecked marriages, and he
Fails to find work after the series ends. As the

Tortured yet naive Crane, Kinnear uses
His looks and easy charm but finds a darker core. It's an
Excellent performance, and so is Willem Defoe's

Shady, homo-erotically-tinged turn as the friend.
Hogan's Heroes fans may wish for more comic relief
As supplied by Klink and Schultz, but Cranes's
Lack of self-examination and self-control prove to
Lock him up more effectively than the Nazis who put the cuffs
On Hogan. The small confines of the 60s TV screen and mind
Were Crane's undoing, we learn, though the mystery of his killer remains.

Even though I hated
Nick Broomfield’s
Grungy documentary Kurt and Courtney which
Lampooned and vilified Courtney Love, who
I kinda dig, I went to
See this film, intrigued by the rap murder case it covers.
Here Nick probes the murders of Tupac and Biggie,
Making little progress on Pac’s case but getting
Assistance from Biggie’s mom who lines up some interviews.
Nick looks a little out of place in the ‘hood and

Is scared of some of the big bodyguards he interviews.
Not unlike his other films, much of the documentary

Concerns Nick’s ill-fated attempts to get key interviews. It’s
Overly focused on the documentarian, not his subjects. He’s annoying, but Biggie’s
Mom is compelling, as is Suge Knight who Nick approaches in the
Penitentiary but isn’t able to ask the hard questions.
The film presents some evidence linking Knight to the murders
Of both rappers. Even if it doesn’t provide the answer, it’s entertaining to watch
Nick’s misadventures in the ghetto.

I never saw Manhunter but I did read
The book Red Dragon years ago and I remember it
Scared the crap out of me. I felt

Burned by the second film in this series, and
Even doubted I’d see this third film, but the
Trailer won me over with an impressive cast of
Thespians, lining up to cash in on the Lecter franchise.
Ed Norton stars as the haunted FBI agent and the gory opening
Recalls his capture of Hannibal Lecter.

These two are well-matched foes, but the real star
Has to be Ralph Fiennes who manages to be both terrifying
And sad, a Frankenstein-esque serial killer with low self esteem. His
Nuanced performance and attempts to stop the insanity with the

Help of a blind love interest (Emily Watson) give the film
A heart as well as horror. It’s
Nice to see that Hopkins, showing up to make a buck again, is
Nowhere near as hammy and annoying as he was in Hannibal.
It’s an entertaining film that packs a horrifying punch
But nothing beats meeting Lecter for the first time in that dungeon
And seeing him toy with Jodie Foster. Thus, this film is no Silence of the
Lambs, but…

Being a secretary myself,
Executive assistant, if you will,
And having witnessed many
Truly dysfunctional relationships between

My fellow mostly female secretaries and their mostly male bosses, I
Expected a lot from this movie. It delivered, with a

Sleazy charm, solid
Performances, and humor as black
As my boss likes his coffee. Fresh out of the
Nuthouse, Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) struggles to
Kick her self-mutilating urges and

Manages to get a job assisting a handsome, sad and
Eviscerating attorney (James Spader, deadpan and brilliant) who

Dominates and humiliates her
Into being a better secretary, spanking her when his
Coffee is cold or she makes typos.
The film has a surreal tone that mimics the characters’
Amorphous relationship. Some of the S&M scenes are
Tough to watch, but I found it hard to take my
Eyes off Gyllenhaal whose body language changes as she

Takes control of her life by submitting to her boss.
Overall, Nine to Five and Working Girl are more empowering

Movies for secretaries, but this is the first film I’ve seen that
Explores the occupation’s basic submissive/dominant paradigm and intimacy.

Hilarious and heartbreaking,
Entertaining and thought-provoking, this
Documentary about the
Greatest male porn star of our time features
Enlightening commentary from such industry
Heavyweights as Al Goldstein, Larry Flynt, Seymour Butts and
One Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis who slams Ron's
Garralous attempts at strip club
Stand-up comedy.

Nobody can maintain an
Erection longer or climax on cue like this stand-up guy, we learn, and
Every average porn-watching guy tells Ron he's
Damn lucky to be Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy. Getting

Laid ain't everything, Ron laments.
One big role in a mainstream film would be
Viagra for his soul. I laughed at clips of his clowning but
Eventually felt melancholy when Ron revealed the story of

Tanya, the love he lost because he wouldn't quit the biz.
Overeating and oversexed, underappreciated, unloved and unfulfilled
Oh Ron, do you want a hug?

Sam Raimi delivers the
Perfect summper movie. An
Uber-spider bites
Nerdy Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire)

Required in comic books to
Instill in him rage and a mission. It's
Great fun watching him develop
His powers and face off against the
Terrible Green Goblin (Willem Defoe)

Raimi uses the latest digital technology to create
Outstanding special effects and retain a comic book feel.
Ultimately, the film is forgettable fun but still
Not to be missed as the rare big budget flick that
Doesn't disappoint.

Lucas writes hokey dialogue,
Everyone agrees, but he won't stop crafting
Stilted scenes that unintentionally elicit laughter.
Star Wars keeps humming along, sometimes

Jerkily like C3PO, as busy CGI backgrounds keep us from seeing
Actors who can't act too well (Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman).
Really, I was pleasantly surprised as

Jar Jar and a dull story had left me
Almost uninterested in the franchise.
Reluctantly, I bought a ticket, but

My low expectations were more than exceeded. As an
Old Star Wars geek, I
Relished the opportunity to meet characters who were
Established in the first trilogy. The

Fight scenes are fun, especially when Yoda
Unleashes his light saber skills on bad jedi Christopher Lee.
No doubt, you can count me in for Episode III.

Facing tougher themes and issues than
Other Catholic school teen films you might
Recall like Heaven Help Us, Peter

Care creates a moving coming of age story,
Although the film turns too grim and
Tackles too many issues (such as incest,
Humiliation at the hands of nuns, and drug use).
Our heroes, Francis (Emile Hirsch) and Tim (Kieran Culkin)
Like to get into trouble and draw comics which
Incorporate their superhero altar-boy-egos who
Crusade against Nunzilla. Jodie Foster
Sans makeup makes a severe nun who pigeonholes

Our boys with her castrating comments.
Not to be outdone, Vincet D'Onfrio creates a smoking,
Loutish priest. I wished for more time with these adults as the
Youth storyline gets a bit too unbelievable and melodramatic.

Before Matt Damon became a star
And Affleck became a joke,
Demolition Man and T2 made millions.

Well, now the new guys take their shots
In classic action flicks.
Little did we know that
Lil Matty would be the one making the most of it.

Heroism abounds as Damon plays an
Uberspy turned memory-less
Nutjob in The Bourne Identity.
Tracing his roots and kicking ass along the way,
Spyboy Jason Bourne

Meets the girl,
Immobilizes the enemy,
Nixes the amnesia, and
Damn near makes the best spy since Bond met Pussy Galore.

For those sci-fi heads that
Remember the original MIB,
Escape this regurgitation while you still can.
Save your money and
Hope that Matrix II and III come out soon.

Primus songs have better lines and far better
Riffs than this horrible revisit to an earth
In which aliens live amongst us yet
No one can tell without a pair of Ray Bans and loads of
Cheesy one liners at his/her constant disposal.
Even Episode II has better dialogue.

Replacing an ex-Marine super-bug with an
Out-of-this-world-hot Laura Flynn Boyle stands out as
The only improvement in this contrived follow-up.
Some advice: Big ears don’t always equal big laughs.

Perhaps this will just be a wacky teen sex comedy,
One thinks, as the film opens with its two teen heroes, one
Rich and one poor, plotting to bed Luisa, a beautiful but sad older woman.
Kinkiness abounds in a way that's more real than gratuitous.
Yes, other countries aren't as uptight about sex as the good ol' USA.
Sexuality can be explored without devices like apple pies.

When the teens embark on a carefree summer roadtrip with Luisa,
It's clear they will learn much about women, themselves, and
The hidden unspoiled beaches of Mexico. Director Alfonso Cuaron
Has paced the film leisurely, and he gradually unfurls the

Plot, lending depth to the film, even pathos. The film
Astutely examines politics, machismo, and class issues in Mexico
Through the relationship of the two teens who
Have their minds opened and their sexual attitudes changed by their
Older and wiser teacher. This is an intelligent,
Sexy coming-of-age film for grown-ups.

Schumacher gives us some summer schlock,
Underwelming but mildly amusing.
Maybe it's me, but terrorists plotting to buy nukes
May not qualify as
Escapist fun anymore. Chris
Rock's punchlines miss more often than they hit and

Can somebody tell Anthony Hopkins he can
Reject scripts now that he's made it? There's
Action, a few laughs, stiff camaraderie, and air conditioning;
Perhaps that's enough?

Comedy doesn't get much broader or
Hilarious than this blaxploitation spoof.
I laughed out loud at Eddie Griffin's antics, but
Chris Kattan doesn't do much with his villain role.
Kids will like the visual gags and
Eddie's wacky 70s outfits and slapstick routines.
Not satisfied with meer silliness, this

Laugh-packed flick takes aim at stereotypes
I learned a few new ones -- apparently African-Americans are
Vehemently opposed to mayonnaise.
Everyone has a funny name like the
Rotund "Smart Brother" or the "Conspiracy Brother" who
Says "Revolution!" when hanging up the phone.

Fried Chicken becomes a tool
Of the evil "The Man" who poisons it in an act of
Racial warfare, doping and duping a

Thinly-veiled Colin Powell (Billy Dee Williams).
Hilarious and smart,
Eddie Griffin gives blaxploitation films

Some Austin Powers spin, producing an
Original flick that won't disappoint. Can
Undercover Brother defeat "The Man" and make finger
Licking safe again? Watch and see.

You may have laughed at the trailer when you heard Ford's Russian accent.
Over the course of the movie you stop laughing and grow
Uncomfortable, just like the sailors are on the doomed nuclear sub,
Removed from daylight, clausterphobic, and under a tyrant.
Eventually, you're bored. The true story is intriguing but there's

Not a ton of action, mostly just intense staring from the somber stars. The film's
One fatal error is the deployment of bad Russian accents by all the actors. One

Might think that since the film takes place in Russia and the characters
Eat borscht and address each other as "comrade" that even if they spoke
Regularly we'd accept the fact that they're Russians.
Yes, one might think that, but one wouldn't be a studio exec then.
Liam Neeson pulls off the accent better than Ford but both stumble. Harrison is

Solid as always, but somber and hard to care about.
This is a movie for military buffs only. Don't come looking for
Romance or even a single joke. Being on a Russian sub is seriously unfunny,
Especially during the height of the cold war.
Everyone tries hard to generate drama, and we're conscious that they're trying.
Please, Harrison, you're good at what you do but...

Really, this movie is nothing special but it is
Entertaining and fun, the sort of
Escapist fluff that is known as a “chick flick.”
Savvy yet sweet, Reese Witherspoon plays an
Enigmatic young fashion designer who hides her

Alabama white trash past from her friends. When her
Nice, cute boyfriend (Patrick
Dempsey, who has undergone an Anthony-Michael-Hall-esque

Transformation into a hunk), son of New York’s mayor (a
Wildly overacting Candace Bergen), proposes, Reese must return home to eat
Okra and secure a divorce from her ornery but sexy high school sweetheart. A

Culture clash ensues as Reese must come to terms with her
Unfashionable past and her unresolved feelings for
The ex who still hasn’t let her go. There are some
Entertaining scenes involving civil war recreations and

Bloodhounds, but much of the Yankees vs. Rebels material is as
Old as the hills. Still, Reese carries the movie and she might just win
Your heart along with the hearts of her two suitors. The filmmakers
Sure know the formula for a good romantic comedy.

Surprisingly convincing as a working class
Thirty-year-old cashier, Jennifer Aniston imbues this film with
Regret, passion, and yearning. In her plaid shirts and baggy Lee jeans, she
Is convincing as a wife who is stuck in a dead-end retail
Position with a pothead husband (John C. Reilly, reliably good). She

Meets a troubled young writer (a heartbreaking Jake Gyllenhaal) and begins an
Affair with him. Ultimately, she realizes his flaws and
Laments that he is too damaged to save her from her dull
Life. Although the film does not offer the carefree, happy,

Love-conquers-all ending one might hope for, it succeeds by creating an
Overwhelming sense of ennui and dread and captures the
Vastness of urban sprawl and the hopelessness it engenders. This film's reality
Exceeds any so-called reality show on TV.

So, I looked forward to this movie for
How many months? Sixth Sense fans like me
Yearned for another creepy
And thought-provoking film from
M. Night Shymalan. Crop circles
Always intrigued me, but Shymalan does
Little with the premise
And delivers a film that is
Never boring, filled with pervasive

Dread, but ultimately lacking
In thrills and monster effects. It’s
No Sixth Sense, but it beats Children of the Corn.
Great supporting work from Joaquin Phoenix as Mel’s

Dazed and confused brother, adding
Occasional comic relief. Heavy-handed moralizing
Never impresses me, and this film is
Guilty of more preaching than scaring.

I confess. I enjoy stupid teen sex comedies and I feel
There's no shame in being 29 and
Sitting in a theater on opening night where

Heathers director Michael Lehmann made it, and
Eligible hunk o' the moment Josh Hartnett stars
As a Catholic stud who vows to give up sex for Lent.
Various stupid gags ensue, but the film does
Entertain. Just don't ask too much of it.
No doubt, religious folk will find the film crosses the line with

Heathen humor, and
Even as a lapsed Catholic I thought it was a bit mean-spirited,
Lacking in true insight into the funny potential of the faith,
Perhaps too reliant on cliches,

Unlike a certain largely forgotten 1980s Catholic boys
School sex comedy that's worth a rental.

Grief has never been portrayed so
Realistically onscreen before,
I think. I felt the
Eviscerating pain that
Violence brings down on this
Ideal-seeming upper middle class household.
Nearly perfect performances are
Generated by a silently

Fuming Sissy Spacek and
Overwelmed Tom Wilkinson.
Rarely do films slow down to allow

The viewer to experience suffering.
Here the drama builds to a plate-smashing
Apocalyptic confrontation where hard
Truths and deep hurts are revealed.

Endings are tricky, but
Nothing prepared me for the Hollywood-ized,
Dumb revenge sequence.
It's totally unnecessary and
Not true to the characters.
Good grief!

Confronting his loneliness,
Our hero, a mild-mannered bank clerk (Ben Chaplin)
Logs on to an internet site that
Delivers Russian mail order brides.

When Nadia (Nicole Kidman) arrives, her lack of
Aptitude for English is only the first of many unpleasant surprises that
Rock this clerk's world.

While she proves eager to please him in the sack
And their wordless connection grows, the arrival of her comrades from
Russia starts a descent into hell and
Melds a sweet culture-clash romance with a sexually-charged thriller. With

Her impressive command of Russian, Kidman creates a complex character and the
Endearing Chaplin wins the audience's sympathy, even if he is
A loser. The film is nothing earth-shattering but
Rewards the viewer who ventures out to the cinema on a cold winter night with
Taut suspense.

High School 1987: I'm reading my brother's copies of The Lord of the Rings
Epic escapism for dreamy souls, never dreaming myself that there'd ever be
Anything made of them but a four-day mini-series on NBC. Eons later I'm
Very surprised they managed to make Gollum look so real and cast such a dead-on
Elrond: he looks just like the cartoon Elrond from TVs The Hobbit, by golly.
Now, I wasn't too keen on Ian McKellen as Gandalf (John Huston RIP). But

Fortunately, he grew on me, like his Gods & Monsters character grew
On me, that lovable nut. But my favorite bit of casting was Ian Holm. He
Rocks as the charming Hobbit, Bilbo, who sets this whole adventure spinning.

A wide swath of emotions pass across Ian's face, just as they did earlier this year in the

Grisly slasher, From Hell. Then, of course there's adorable Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood
Is almost typecast there). And Boromir and Aragorn as token human eye candy.
Right away Aragorn, the brooding warrior, makes the argument for men. And though I never
Liked facial hair, as a rule, I'm beginning to change my mind. His performance is that good.

All my life I've romanticized these thrilling scenes of wonder like Gandalf's
Library, piled high with teetering, yellow books. I've always wanted a
Library and/or study like that. Almost Dr. Suessian in it's gravity-defying

Arrangement of towering papers, props and general atmosphere of studiousness.
Great caves of Moria, the ancient city of dwarves, provided
Opulent scenes of sad abandonment overrun by orcs and
Goblins and pissy demons from the pits of Middle Earth.

Overall, outstanding textures in ever scene, from the fabrics of Galadriel to the
Very skin and body piercings of the trolls and orc-warriors to the gritty props to
Each monumental surface and grass blade and swatch of weather.
Realistic fantasy, short on nothing but the fake-looking hobbit's foot.

My biggest problem was keeping Pippen and Merry apart. In the
End, they're a duet of interchangeable hobbits-as-device-of-humor. Maybe the
Next episode of hobbit-foolery might sort things out. But aside from these two, this

World is full of very distinctive creations: the fair-faced, flaxen-haired Elves,
Including Liv Tyler as Arwen, distracting when you hear faint sounds of
That Aerosmith song "Crazy" in the back of your head while she's trying to tell
Hunky Aragorn that immortality aint all it's cracked up to be. Then you have the

Little curmudgeonly dwarves, the bloodless, eyeless Ringwraithsand great seamless mythology
Of Tolkien itself, with it's never-ending passages of legend and evocation. Themes
Nothing short of the timeless test against man's insatiable greed and overpowering weaknesses
Graded against the hobbit-embodiment of simple pleasures and contentment, a

Handful of valuable lessons to arm us for these gloomy times of conspiring.
A hobbit's work is never done. And neither
Is yours, by the way, because you won't remember any of this next year and you'll need to
Rent The Fellowship on video before the next epic installment comes out.

Colliding cars and classes
A fender bender is handled badly by a
Rich young lawyer (Ben Affleck)

Who finds himself crossing moral lines
And getting a tough fight from his poor
Recovering alcoholic doppelganger (Samuel L. Jackson). A
Smart movie, marred only by a too-neat Hollywood ending.

Despite some off-kilter chemistry between the major players -
Robin Williams, Al Pacino and Hillary Swank - good
Even performances are all around (even if Swank's role was
Almost interchangeably one-dimensional). Stark like The Pledge, this
Movie questions whether the truth will truly set
You free - "You can't decide when to tell the truth" Williams

Intonates, not quite creepily but with all the sedate violence you
Never doubted lurked beneath his joking surface...with a
Small touch of humor on top. But most scenes showcase
Our very favorite displaced New Yorker himself - plunging the rolling log
Metaphor of sleeplessness in the gorgeous Alaskan summer of
Never-night. Thank God we got Al into some nature before the onset of arthritis.
I guess I'm biased, but I never get tired of his haggard schtick
And even in his high-elevated ages, with the sure signs of grandpa-oldness, I
Can still recognize that 49 other states of nature has done some good for this...

However the bloody battle between the Bills rages
Over here at Ape Culture, I have to give the Midwest looking
Rustic Bill Paxton his due - he can set up a shot
Right down to rain on a car's window pane.
Okay performance on his part, too...which
Rightfully balances Matthew McConaughey's range less droning drawl.

Low amount of horror thrills for the dollar and
I was put off by the questionable plot and point-of-view pot-holes,
The convoluted theological message and the twisted yet over-simplified
Ending.

Suburban boredom and a chance meeting
Nudges a pretty housewife (Diane Lane of The
Outsiders) into a stormy affair
With a Soho-boho hunk (Olivier Martinez). We know it's not
Going to end well, because Adrian
Lyne is directing. No bunnies are boiled this time,
Only a cuckolded husband's (Richard Gere) temper.
Bent on vengeance, he confronts his wife's lover
Eventually, using a whimsical, defenseless

Snowglobe (which I happen to collect) as a weapon.
Lyne's ruminations on infidelity
And its far-reaching effects are interesting, but
None of the charagers inspire sympathy. It's
Definitely an intelligent, well-acted
Erotic film, but I
Recommend waiting for video.

Parents and their kids will be
Impressed and entertained by this
X-uberant film. Voice
Actors, notably John Goodman as the hulking furry
Reluctant father figure

Sully and Billy Crystal as Sully's
Everpresent, wild-eyed,
Loud-mouthed sidekick Mike
Lend depth and personality to their
Sumptuously animated characters. Sully looks so

Plush you'll run to the toy store to
Lap up the cuddly merchandise.
Underneath the imaginative story, there's a smart
Satire about corporate life.
Humor abounds and so do hijinks. I thought

Toy Story was great
Only to see Toy Story 2 top it.
You bet I'll be back to
See what these clever animators whip up next.

Jodie Foster picks good material more
Often than not, and here she gives us a
Devastatingly stressful thriller than nearly had me
In fetal position in my stadium seat. There's nothing
Extraneous in the film. Director David Fincher cuts to the chase,

Incarcerating Foster and her daughter in their panic room immediately,
Not bothering to develop their characters. That work because we've cared about

Jodie in danger ever since Taxi Driver and Foxes. This film is
Entertaining as a thrill ride and the bumbling, bickering trio of criminals are
Often amusing. Virginal burglar Jared Leto gives a charismatic
Performance, peppering his dialogue with pop culture references, since TV
Apparently gave him his only education in crime. Dwight Yoakam adds another
Ruthless lowlife to his acting resume, and the ever-
Dependable Forest Whitaker makes us almost root for him. Sure,
You don't need this stress, but you thrive on it.

And I don't get excited over
Disease-of-the-week biopics. But
Damned if I didn't find myself caught in the
Spell of this film and its riveting and

Or schoolgirl crush, if you will, on Russell Crowe who is here
Stripped of his sexiness, just like in The Insider,
Caged in nerdy clothes and glasses and craziness. It's his brilliant
Acting that makes this film
Reach greater heights that Howard's Apollo 13 astronaunts.
Sometimes math isn't boring.

From the first few images, Amelie charms casually with her skipping
Rocks, suicidal goldfish, the tabloid death of Lady Di, a box of Childhood.
Amelie delights in details and mad, padded obsessions. Pregnant with
Idiosyncratic souls, like the glass-boned re-painter of Renoir's "Le Dejeuner des Canotiers".
Downstairs he works and watches the landlady, the grocer and quirky Amelie - for
Years in solitude. But today he is the cohesive, tottering wise man in this

Cast of jealous lovers, stilted fathers, hypochondriacs
And jet-setting ceramic yard gnomes. Amelie takes us on a Technicolor
Tour of the prop-packed corridors of Paris and below the animated
Stripes of her wallpaper, the magic of her imagination, where she

Accumulates dreams and becomes the sure-stepping stealth altruist.
Nobody but the painter and his telescopes suspect.
Only he can't communicate with her outside of explications of those
Neat little Renoir reproductions, specifically Amelie's theories about the
Yearnings of the girl holding the glass. The prism-dissected heart of this movie: a
Montage of photo booth portraits and the man who puzzles over them.
Only Amelie is severely paralyzed by love for him; She's a rare
Updraft, inspiring a carnival from behind a self-made fence of fear, proving there
Should be a twelve-step group for people like us...

Neil LaBute's films are the cinematic equivalent of
A root canal. As in his earlier films Happiness and Welcome to the Dollhouse,
Soldonz skewers suburbia, roasting it on a backyard BBQ pit.
This is his most self-reflective film
Yet, as he casts look-alike Paul Giammati as his

Alter-ego, a deluded documentary filmmaker who is as much an object of audience
Scorn as the rest of the characters. Critics

Have accused Soldonz of mocking his characters instead of
Empathizing, of being a nihilist.

While this may be true, he is just as critical of himself. I
Admire this self-examination and found this film insightful, if bleak. There are two
Narratives. The first one, involving a naive writing student and her predatory
Teacher is the most eviscerating. The second
Story is longer but doesn't really break new ground in its

Treatment of an upper middle class suburban dysfunctional family. Lupe
Ontiveros gives the film's most human performance as the family's put-upon maid,

Annie Proulx's Pulitzer Prize winning novel is now a
Stultifyingly slow motion picture. The film is

Set in Newfoundland, a
Land both austerely beautiful and, well, just austere.
Our hero, Quoyle (Kevin Spacey), journeys to this frozen
Wasteland with his daughter and his aunt (Judi Dench) after his wife's death.

Gradually gains self-esteem and grows to understand his roots.
Lots of bizarre things happen to characters with odd names,
And it seems to take forever for this wounded
Couple to thaw out their loins and get
It on. Lasse Hallstrom's assured directing, the acting and cinematography are
Enough to prevent this film from being a total clunker. Wait for video,
Rent it and try hard not to fall asleep.

Maggie Smith leads Robert
Altman's impressive ensemble of British and American thespians.
Negotiating the borders between upstairs and downstairs, Altman
Neatly sketches two worlds within one house,
Each having its own conflicts, scandals and
Rules. I spent the first hour
Struggling to figure out who was who,

And had a hard time putting the 30 faces to their
Names. Once I got my bearings, I found the
Diabolical dialogue and insights on the nature of service and

Money to be worthy of further reflection.
Ultimately these heady issues are more interesting than the
Routine murder mystery which is the plot's main
Device and carry more emotional weight.
Edgier than the average costume drama and ambitious in scope, this
Rich film represents relief from Dr. T and a return to Short Cuts form for Altman.

Altman surely influenced director Ray Lawrence who depicts an ensemble of
Needy and emotionally damaged characters who lives intersect

And who struggle to connect. Anthony
LaPaglia achors the film with an
Outstanding performance as an adulterous detective. The
Eviscerating pain of loss and loneliness

Permeates this film and
Left me feeling wounded but moved. This is an
Australian film that isn't a bit wacky,
Nor is it frothy fun. But those who who appreciate
Tough films that explore the depths of humanity

Cannot afford to miss this one. Geoffrey Rush
And Barbara Hershey play a distant couple who
Need each other but can't communicate after the
Traumatic loss of their only child. The film's opening sequence reveals that

Hidden in the brush, there's a decaying body of a woman. And then
Each female character who is introduced makes us wonder if she will become
A victim by the third reel. Besides being an effective drama,
Lantana presents a tense Law and Order type investigation that will keep

You on the edge of your seat. Neighbors
Often know too much about their neighbors' business and
Ultimately layers of betrayals and misinterpretations
Reveal that things are not as simple, or as hopeless, as this film

Sometimes make them seem. Clearly, this is
One of the best films of the year, with its rich performances and
Undulating storyline that grows and spreads, much
Like an overgrown lantana plant.

Truly brilliant, Gene
Hackman enchants and surprises in this film,
Eliciting giggles and sobs, sometimes in the same scene.

Boring as he was during the 90s in big budget submarine and lawyer flicks, he
Evokes the best of his 70s performances as the most
Screwy of the screwed-up
Tenenbaum clan.

From beginning to end, the film is filled with marvelous details,
Inscrutable images, whimsy, and bold performances.
Luke Wilson shines as the sensitive tennis prodigy, filling frames with
Melancholy, and his mid-match collapse is simply hilarious. His brother

Owen amuses; I can't complain (I usually do) about Gwyneth and Stiller. As the
Fractured family's matriarch, Anjelica Huston holds the movie together with a calm,

Tough presence. Director Wes Anderson guides this ensemble, and
He gradually reveals the layers of dysfunction and steps to reconciliation. By the
End, I was crying, while thinking I hadn't laughed out loud so much at a movie in

Years. I left feeling nearly as screwed-up as a Tenenbaum, but
Enjoying the feeling. I have to
Annouce that this film
Replaces Moulin Rouge as my choice for...

Depressed enough as
I was, given that
September 11 wasn't
Too long ago, I probably
Underestimated my appetite for this
Richly detailed film of utter
Bleakness and ennui.
I was reminded of Larry Clark's Kids and I don't think I
Needed to see another movie about how

Suburban kids can be so
Utterly fucked up and are often
Betrayed by their elders and friends.
Ultimately, this film
Rewards the brave with fine performances and cinematography, but its
Boy meets pedophile storyline
Almost made me
Nauseous. I should have opted for
Something silly.

Hypnotic journey into two
Awful lives.
Lilly white ass.
Luscious female form.
Easy money for those of us into trailer park masochism.

Billy Bob Thorton
Is insanely convincing as a
Lowdown redneck with a heart of gold.
Like that’s a stretch.
Yahoo Serious playing a dumbass has to work harder to find his character.

Pop in the extra tape and record
Our favorite Oscar winning performance as
Redneck love gets freaky with the always perfect Halle Berry.
Never had I imagined breasts with such thespian abilities.
Oscar you little, naked perv!

Billy Bob Thornton in tighty whities is just one of the
Litany of disturbing images in this film.
Everyone is depressed or depressing
And it's hard to find a character to root for,
Kinda hard to care about them too, when they behave so

Inappropriately and listlessly.
Still, I have to applaud this film for the acting, particularly Halle

Berry's fearless performance which lays bare a soul and body
Eviscerated by alcoholism, neglect, and general hard times.
As the mother of an obese son and
Underloved wife of a death row inmate played distractingly by P. Diddy,
This woman has to deal with some serious shit.
In the end, the film provides some hope
For its downtrodden characters as they crawl out from
Under themselves, their mistakes, and their prejudices and forge connections.
Love might yet save the day.

West Harlem's Magic Johnson Theater,
As it seemed the appropriate venue to screen this
Stupid movie. Magic's intro counseled against the display of

Gang signs or colors.
Once that was over, I kicked back and
Nearly fell off my rocking chair
Not once but several times, laughing
At the pot-fueled hijinks of Method Man and Redman

Who firmly establish they have the weed and the wit to
Resurrect the marijuana comedy genre.
If you like Cheech and Chong,
Think Afroman's "Because I Got High" is an
Excellent tune,

Several times, you'll laugh 'til you
Cry. If you don't like slapstick and
Regurgitation humor,
I suggest you skip this one. You
Peeps know which category suits you.
Toking a special weed, grown in the ashes of Method Man's

Best friend (who perished after falling asleep
Under the influence of weed, lighting his dreads on fire), helps our heros ace the
Test and get into Harvard. If you thought Reese Witherspoon

Turned that school upside down in Legally Blond, well, you
Haven't seen nuthin' yet!
Entertaining cameos from whiteys who
Needed paychecks, like Fred Willard and Spalding Gray,

Getting work.
Overall, the disjointed script, raunch and gross-outs were a bit
Too much for me, but then I'm not a

Hemp crusader like Woody Harrelson.
If you are, you'll dig it, and I expect these two
Guys will reach greater rappin' and actin'
Heights. Peace out.

While I'm well past my teens
I still enjoy teen flicks, especially
Those starring Freddie Prinze, Jr or
The kids from Dawson's Creek. If
You're a stunted twentysomething like me

Perhaps getting drunk first helps.
It did for me. But don't get so plastered you miss subtle
Nuances like the school being named John Hughes High and
Kitschy cameos from two Breakfast Club members.

Recall Airport '77 or Mars Attacks?
I am happy to
Note that this film succeeds. It's a
Gas, as Frank might have said,

Dialogue and easy camaraderie between this merry band of
Imaginative thieves. Clooney, Pitt, and Damon
Need no introduction and broads will be
Ga-ga over these sharp-dressed fellas. Julia Roberts is the film's sole

Dame and she's okay too, for a chick. There's enough eye candy for everyone.
It's fun to watch the heist unfold and spot the cameos from the likes of Wayne
Newton and Siegfried that lend a vibe of Vegas authenticity. Andy
Garcia is slick as the casino boss and the too-seldom-seen Elliott Gould gives a

Terrific, funny performance as the money man.
I still feel the original is swell and didn't need to be re-
Made, but that doesn't mean this version isn't
Extremely entertaining, baby.

Creepy opening sequence of dental x-rays
And Danny Elfman theme led me to have
Very high hopes for this
Independent black comedy. "Lying is like
Tooth decay," Steve Martin says, but that's as profound as he gets.
You'll see him in sex scenes,

Enraptured by Laura Dern and Helena Bonham Carter,
Moping through another drugged out weird chick role.
Personally, I prefer her in corsets.
Truth is, I like seeing Steve Martin have sex as much as like I having
Oral surgery. There's no chemistry between the stars and plot cavities
Riddle this film. It shouda been pulled.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
or Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone...if you're a British Muggle
(It's like they speak a different language over there!)

What's up with stodgy muggles and other adults? They can't relate to the
High-jinx of fantasy. Rowling flings high sparks from her wand, from
Each charm-drunk character in PotterLand, showing how well she knows the
Rules of the sci-fi road and how completely she stocks her make-believe shelves.
Even Americans raised in the surreal boonies of Disneyland and Spielberg

Don't yet have the rooster of magical classics the British are so adept at spinning
Out. Which is not to say we capitulate the genre joust to this Frodo of our time.

It's a veritable travelogue of British castles, this cult of Potter, sure to

Be the biggest boost to the UK GNP. Note to creationist parentals: don't let that
Upset your tea cups. The Pottsman's got his wand in the right place and Hermione,
You got a girl here on the Wizardry honors track. You go girl!

Maybe you haven't seen Ron Weasley's performing faces or Hagrid, an
Erstwhile PETA for three-headed dogs and dragons named Norbert.
Remember to look for the caretaker impersonating Neil Young and Alan Rickman's
Cold stirring villain of a Professor Snape, Richard Harris, Maggie Smith -
How could you cast a better A-list of thespians for your big-budget, special FX flick?
And don't you just love stories about school? Okay, maybe that's just me. The
Next movie better have more John Cleese in it,
Doing his impersonation of Nearly Headless Nick, my only complaint of this prequel franchise.
I also can't stand to hear muggles whine when the movie so nearly matches the book. Go
Suck on a pixie stick and get back to me when you're hyper.
Even dolts should let their long lost inner child live a little.

Whenever I see a Coen Brothers movie
However bad I'm feeling, regardless of the weather,
And despite the trouble outside, I drift off into their unique world
This is another great example of their highly stylized vision.

With Billy Bob Thornton in top form,
In this case, a quiet, simmering barber
Laughless, tuneless, without a trace of passion, he watches
Like a cat, waiting for his moment, his time.

The ever-impressive Frances McDormand shines as the unfaithful wife
Her paramour is aptly played by James Gandolfini,
Each and every actor, in fact, is perfectly cast and sparkles
Yet, the Coen Brothers are the true stars

Dark, somber, brooding, the movie sifts by like a Mozart etude
Ordinary 50s Americana turns menacing: hypnotic barber poles, shadowy stores

Noir, by narrow definition, but the movie is more than that
Every shot is like a strange dream, familiar, but menacing
X-cruciatingly detailed, phenomenal cinematography by Roger Deakins
This is a sad comedy, a funny revenge fantasy, in short, a Coen Brothers movie.

When ABC dumped his pilot
He did what any reasonable director would do.
Another David Lynch movie has hit the big screen.
Though Mulholland Drive was made for TV, it sure ain't that now.

The plot starts off as a conventional amnesiac episode.
Healthy, brunette bombshell Laura Elena Harring
Escapes car crash and hides out in vacated apartment.

Fresh from the country, Naomi Watts' "Betty" moves into her aunt's apartment
Unbeknownst to her, the odd "Rita" (name purloined from movie poster)
Concealed in the shower, is no friend of her generous aunt, but what the hell, she
Knowingly enters into the mystery like an R-rated Nancy Drew.

Instead of pursuing acting, Betty takes a walk (and a roll) on the wild side.
She and "Rita" play detective and discover a rotting corpse in a bungalow.

The different story elements intertwine
Harassed and distressed director Justin Theroux is threatened by the mob
Insecure patient (whoever he is) fears seeing an ugly face from his nightmare
Some right-out-of-central-casting detectives scratch their heads and ponder

Absolutely everything seems to be leading to something
But then Betty and Rita find the box that fits the blue key
Overturning our expectations, we enter into a parallel
Universe, where nothing makes sense, even Ann Miller (how's that for creepy?).
This is vintage Lynch. If you can stand it.

Coincidence perhaps, not
Unlike the attack date being 911 or
Starcrossed should-be-lovers who keep
Almost crossing paths, but I
Couldnt help remembering that the
Kids in love in Say Anything spouted romantic cliches along the

Order of this movie's pair. As cute as he is, it must be
Noted that John Cusack has

Affably played the romantic pop culture savvy
Underappreciated and overlooked nice guy
Too many times now,
Often with Jeremy
Piven by his side, just like
In this movie which isn't awful but
Lacks originality and plods along toward an ending made obvious by the title.
One final note is that Say Anything and Serendipity have
The same number of letters in their titles.

Exceedingly annoying Josh Kornbluth who applies his
X-ray vision and wit to the world of temping. This
Comedy of errors has its moments and
If you've ever temped you'll laugh at the
Terrifying head secretary and at the way the temp is
Ignored until he becomes a "perm."
No doubt Josh wishes he could snag
Gorgeous chicks like he does when he's cast

As himself. Overweight, bald, and underemployed,
Somehow he manages to score and this

Digression from reality
Along with the movie's wafer-thin plot assures this film will be
Temp to theaters, perm to video
Alongside Clockwatchers.

Exhausting as 8 hours of filing, movies about
Nothing but
Temping
Rehash the nothingness until the viewer
Yearns for something

Stylish film opens with
Corpulent sunbathing
Ray Winston's peace shattered. He barely
Eludes a wayward boulder
Which smashes into his pool

Next he gets a visit from an
Old friend, Ben Kingsley, who's psychotic and won't take
No for an answer.
Violence ensues amid snappy dialogue and
Intelligent performances. It's
Often hard to understand the thick
Limey accents, but the film is clever and
Entertaining to the end with a
Nifty heist at its
Climax. Kingsley's performance should
Engage the Academy's attention.

-JW

Seemed strange to see Josh
Hartnett sporting the same fucked-up haircut
As in Halloween: H20 but that's because
Kids weren't allowed to see this film when it was made.
Evidently, the studio felt the school violence in this modernized
Shakespearian tragedy mirrored the Columbine massacre
Perhaps too closely.
Everyone's relieved to see an Othello
As opposed to yet another Hamlet
Remake and this film is decent
Except for the modernized script's awkward use of

Inner-city speak which made Ghetto denizens in the theater with me
Laugh and I'm sure the script was written by a white middle-class suburban
Lawn-manicuring man. Anyway, despite good performances from
Intelligent young actors, particularly Mekhi Phifer, the movie is still
Nothing special.

-JW

Denzel Washington has pretty teeth
It's pretty hard to miss 'em. He's the bad cop for a change...
Do you think Ethan Hawke could shave for once in his life?
Not that he's all that bad--in fact he's the good one here.
To tell you the truth, I went with this for a while

Go if you want, it's not half bad
Everything seems pretty predictable though
The cinematography's great and the action is cool

Often found myself second guessing the movie
From time to time I was surprised, which is always nice.
For the most part, I was glad I only paid half price!

Nutty Professor of yore must be
Enamored of young Chris Kattan,
Who demonstrates that he, like

Jerry, is a master of disguise and silliness as he
Entertains in this mafioso spoof.
Routines fall flat more than not and I wondered what happened to "The
Reflex" which Corky sang in the preview. Did
Yasmin Le Bon tell Simon the movie was too dumb even for Duran Duran?

Lest ye think I'm panning this movie, I'll
Elaborate enough to say there
Were a few times I laughed out loud and I feel
It exceeds most SNL movies, which contain only a sketch-ful o' humor
Stretched to feature length

Really, they hurt me, when I pay 10 goddamn bucks
Every time, sucker that I am, and still I
Never think "what, I can't wait for video?"
Then I pay the guy, and I sit in the dark
Eating overpriced cholesterol enhancers.
Ripping farts like a real critic.

Go if you're scared easily, a big ninny or generally scaredy pants. Basic
Haunted house stuff of the somebody's-watching-you genre.
Oh sure, there are some skin tinglers and seat jumpers, but nothing to
Stop you from getting your beauty sleep tonight.
The best scenes turned the haunted house clichés up-
Side down: like being afraid to leave a dark room for a well-lit one.

Yellow-faced children, the book of the dead, Nicole Kidman's perky hairdo:
Okay--those were pretty damn unsettling--along with
Undead dead people trying to break through.

Can you blame them? And then...
Along lost-in-the-war husband shows up--hubba hubba.
Nothing to cause one to miss a Mission Impossible star here.

Right in your face, Nicole Kidman's character was a refreshing horror ingenue.
Out with the shivering, shrieking victim who must run in circles looking for her man.
Out with the clueless, head-in-the-sand dolt who keeps tripping over the rug.
Tell those stinkin' ghosts they can stick it where the sun don't shine.

Fortunately, this is where they dwell. Unfortunately,
Our little ghosts aren't who we think they are and the three servants are
Rude and cheeky. It's hard to scare up good help these days.

Another Heist movie. What can I say?
Not much, I’m afraid. It’s a movie, alright, with
One capable b-level star. You loved him in The Firm.
That Gene Hackman has a big, oval head and Delroy Lindo,
He has a big oval head, too. Danny DeVito – another big head.
Every bit of witty dialogue, every plot twist, all this heist stuff
Revolves around Hackman, the big-headed, crafty ringleader.

Only DeVito has a nephew, see,
Lame enough to screw everything up and Hackman’s
Daughter….er…I mean girlfriend

Makes no bones about what she sees in him…he’s crafty!
All during the movie I’m wondering what’s wrong here.
Not plot holes. This movie’s so airtight even I can’t breathe.

Getting an interesting heist movie made can’t be that hard.
Even with Gene Hackman in it.
There must be something going on beneath the
Surface – like characters still trying to get out and steal the show?

Like besides figuring out who’s side everybody is on and who loves who.
Underneath it all – what question are we left with:
Can a May/December survive the politics of Heist-ry and all its pesky
Knots? Could they have made heist-making seem like less fun,
You think?

Spaceman or madman? Who
Cares if Jeff Bridges can't figure out this patient? At least his
Hair looks great. He mainly expresses himself by running his fingers through his
Mane while Spacey mugs, says clever things, heals other nutjobs, continues his
Annoying moralizing in the Pay It Forward vein. This film
Lags in spots and lurches
Toward a maudlin conclusion
Zzzzzzzz

-JW

Too many close-ups of Johnny Depp's whiskery mustache,
Heather Graham as the well-coiffed
Obligatory pretty hooker, and Londoners
Stalking the streets, glazed with grime and rain,
Every one of them scowling,

Coughing from the back-stage fog machines, but
Really - I like Heather. She's got spunk. I like spunk.
Except for nagging questions, I liked the movie, too. Like why did
Everyone know about the killer grapes but the hookers?
Perhaps this information would have saved a ho or two.
Yes, the hookers kept falling for the juicy grapes,

Bludgeoned to death for the love of the little purple plums, by a
Really good show of educated insanity from the villain -
It was a performance that alludes to Anthony Hopkins -
Those unnerving step stools springing from under carriages.
So like Jack the Ripper to depend on squeaky, shiny steel props.

Marky Mark Wahlberg
Excels at playing naive working class boys with unusual
Talents, and this performance makes us forget about Planet of the
Apes. I had a great time watching this movie and
Loved the soundtrack most of all. It rocks

With KISS, Bon Jovi, even the Nuge.
One must caution that the movie contains
Not just metal memories but also a highly moralistic message
That I found heavy-handed. Also, it's too bad Jennifer Aniston

Didn't use Aqua Net to achieve a true 80s metal look.
I think this movie proves that this music is much like the lively skeleton called
Eddie on all those Iron Maiden covers.

Damn dirty apes looked fantastic and jumped
Amazingly high. Tim Roth growled fiercely, and Helena Bonham Carter resembled
Michael Jackson, not his friend Bubbles. The new
Nova was boring and her

Dad, Kris Kristofferson, was killed off too soon.
I wish Marky Mark had worn a loin cloth to offset his
Rigid acting and lack of infectious heroism. I grew
Tired, watching him lead his rag tag humans hither and
Yon, getting nowhere,

Slowly, pointlessly, and the
Ending left us all scratching our heads
Quite like apes scratch their
Undercarriages. It seemed only designed to
Ensure a part ii which I'll
Lack enthusiasm for

Frothy and fun,
Light and lively, this
Unassuming teen
Flick actually succeeds in skewering ivy league
Fops and demonstrating that sorority girls look good
Yet sometimes possess intellect.

You get a charming Reese Witherspoon
Empathizing with her white
Trash manicurist and together they

Foil the piggish males who
Exist only to keep them down. This
Movie recalls Clueless with
Its bright script and rich girl fashionista heroine. A
Nation who mourns Taco Bell's dismissal of
Its chalupa-pushing chihuahua will be glad to
See a chihuahua eliciting awws as the sidekick
To our plucky heroine.

-JW

For my 29th birthday
Recently a friend took me to this
Embarrassing teen flick and we
Didn't use our brains at all
Didn't laugh much either, except at
Idiotic slow motion scenes and unnecessary voiceovers and
Emotional moments that fell flat

Seems like we're too old for teen
Hotties but I am not
Immune to the powers of he who
Romances the vampire slayer,
The son of the Chico and the Man guy. Also, Matthew
Lillard, the kid from Scream, made me laugh
Even though seeing Beverly D'Angelo in Susan
Sarandon's Bull Durham role made me tired.
Still, we got what we came for...

-JW

If Clarice being an idiot wasn't a crime, a
Ninny sex object - plundered and raped of her former depth,
Every woman who once rooted for her and her
Damn little helpless lambs would be thrilled to pieces.
Instead, we get a lead with no passion, brains or range.
Blaze Clarice can't figure anything out, two steps behind a
Lousy Italian detective who deserves to die
Every time he turns his back on Hannibal.

Canned monologues for Anthony Hopkins, watery dialogues,
Hackneyed identity stealing and preposterous over-
Abundance of superfluous detail and back story.
Read a page out of the Hitchcockian Silence of the Lambs
And you might reconsider
Casting those man-eating wild boars from Sardinia.
Tell me this: what the hell were you thinking!
Even spoof sequels would never use such lame
Ridiculous, irrelevant cattle. Is this some
Silly lamb/boar parallelism of a nightmare for Clarice?

Only she can't register it because she's a dumb piece of cardboard?
Virtually has to be saved by Hannibal, her hero, from man eating boars!
Every relationship stripped of complexity and contradiction or
Replaced by trans-continental, jet setting cannibals
Cajoling youngsters with marinated nuggets of a clichéd Ray Liotta.
Overflowing violence, not so gratuitous, as pointless.
Oh, Blade Runner, where art thou? That one
Kicked major butt. Not Hannibal, where here
Even Ridley Scott rationalizes his plodding missteps on the
DVD special edition with deleted scenes that reinforce

Precisely how deletable every scene in the movie was.
Lo, how home theater technology makes a bad movie worse, this
Outrageous misinterpretation of the original
That even Hannibal would surely spit back out.

When I heard that X-Men was coming out in the theatres, I was dubious.
After all, TV ruined Fish Police for me and though I enjoyed the
Notorious Batman movies and Dick Tracy, X-men is a
Totally different story!

To be honest, I didn't read the comic books, but had expectations nevertheless.
Overall, my expectations were both met and exceeded!

Before I went, I quizzed my nerdy comic book reading friend about
Every major fact he thought I'd need to know so that I wouldn't miss anything.

Much can be said about the special effects and the acting
Under the director, Bryan Singer, but rather than
Tire you with my raving about how I
Absolutely enjoyed every minute of the movie, I will
Not say more than--buy
This DVD today!

Although this film featured other
Heavy hitting actors like John Travolta and
Halle Berry, my focus was not on them.

It is as the geek Stanley Jobson who just wants to
Save his daughter that Hugh really grabs the focus.

A hacker caught in a
Lie far more sinister than he thought
Likely, Stanley must lay it all on the line.

Much of the movie is violent
And in light of recent events,
Not for the average viewer.

Given the plot which
Revolves around a teen who
Really just wants to
Let loose, this movie
Shall forever endure in my heart.

Real issues like rivalry, boys, fashion and an
Over-protective father are
Cleverly interwoven as a
Knot every girl must unravel.

Dude, Where's My Car?

The premise
Of this action packed adventure is
That a pair of happy-go-lucky potheads
Are in search of their car because they
Lost it the previous night and can't remember how.

So realistic is the portrayal by the not so
Unlikely Ashton Kutchner and Seann William Scott on their
Crusade that you can just feel the
Keg and the bong
At your side
Giving you more cause to
Exclaim, "Dude, Where's my money?"

Bridget Jones's Diary

I was totally won over by Renee Zellwegger as Bridget Jones.

Catering to her
Alcohol and food depenencies, Bridget attempts to
Navigate through bad situation after bad situation.

Regretfully, buffetted by
Everthing from her odd mother and her job to her
Latent desire for a snobby lawyer played by Colin Firth
And her romp with her randy boss played by Hugh Grant,
The thing that Bridget really wants is to be loved, and to lose an
Enormous amount of weight.