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Comments and Awards
Listed by the Humor Guide at About.com
Our fancy French Fragilé award
"I think I'd be the last person who'd want to stalk
William Shatner. In fact, I want to stay away from him. His speaking style
scares me. Perhaps the test answer that T. J. Hooker was "described
by Nostradamus as the herald of global annihilation" is correct.
This site is for people who a) want a good laugh or b) people who want
to take the test seriously, and therefore need help. Abnormality: 7; Stupidity:
8; Entertainment: 8" "A highbrow journal for hipsters" - San Jose Mercury News "Really enjoy the reviews. However I don't even "think"
I enjoyed Adaptation - it was weird to say the least. Taking a nap didn't
help in following whatever the plot was...I read this section of Ape Culture
first!!" Estelele, mother of Nerdia "YOUR WEBSITED SUCKS! IT IS VVERY SHITTY!!!! I LOVE
SIMON!!!" "Oh my gosh! this is a terrible web site! It is 100% digusting and stupid. how could you go on? I.A.G.T.S.Y.S." "Have you been living in a hole for most of your life.
Nathan's is nothing more then a fast food chain. If you were looking for
ambience and fine cuisine, why even stop at a roadside place. Drive into
Manhattan and eat at the Palm Club or The 21 Club. In other words get
real. A food critic you're not!!!" "Recently stumbled upon your website featuring homes
decorated for Christmas in Yonkers, NY. I have a question. Why were the
snowmen referred to as "Mafia Snowmen"? I live in Yonkers and
am guessing that since there is a large Italian-American community it
was your way of insulting that culture. Or was it a joke? If so, then
please explain why there weren't any ethnic comments made about the workers
and patrons in your review of Nathan's? Surely, you could have come up
with a few funny jokes about them, too. Or is it okay to ridicule certain
groups and wrong to make stereotypical jokes about others? PS-If you're
going to be a flaming New York City liberal, then leave everyone alone.
If you can't, then you're just another ignorant American." "Wow! Did you get used and abused by Rod or something?
Nothing personal and I'm not being critical of you; however, isn't Rod
just being a man? And the older he gets, the more he has to prove to himself;
I guess he does it by womanizing. Too bad he doesn't realize that it isn't
necessary. You also have to blame the women who get involved with him.
They know going in an dthey go anyway. "Fools rush in where angels
fear to tread." I wonder what I would do. :-)" I just wanted to send you a letter of complete apreciation
for voicing your opinion on Ozzy and "The Osbournes."...I am
a die hard fan, but as you wrote...Sharon is out of control." "I am appaled at a message bout ozzy and sharon and
the kids...The point of the show is to say that no matter how famous you
are you still have to take out the garbage so when you next decide to
say something bad bout sharon think of what she has been through with
ozzy he tried to kill her" "Screw that, you want to try skating out there, it's
very hard! I know I don't skate on tv, but what if you were out there
on blades and tried to do that, you would fall flat on your face. So don't
be dissing us when you don't know how it feels." "Gee..I am very glad that I don not have fans like
you. You do NEED a LIFE, and should possibly consider suicide as an alternative
to the vast emptiness that you call your existence. Words can not describe
my felling about your idiotic and insane little worthless life...Thank
you for your time, and go kill yourself." Curmudgeon's Home Companion
wrote: "Is Helga for my pet project, California Secessionism? GET
CALIFORNIA OUT OF THE U.S. AND INTO THE U.N." "Thank you thank you thank you! I was trying to explain
"death week" to someone that was not from Memphis and I found
this article - which summed up the entire topic perfectly! Beautiful!
You captured the spirit of "death week" with such accuracy -
makes me homesick for Memphis!" - Robin "I read your story about the benefit concert Jimmy
Buffett did that you attended. Fins up. I would love to see him in a setting
like that but I'm afraid it just isn't in the cards with 4 parakeets at
home...My wife and I both enjoy your site. Thanks for the entertainment."
- Bruce "I love Kylie she is great" "Ya know, I discovered ApeCulture about 2 years ago when there was a posting about the brit-drag-queen Marilyn that was being posted around the net. Since then, I have been an avid fan of it and can't get through a week without checking it out again and again. To say that you have the greatest sense of humor is an understatement - since the stories are having me on the verge of pissing myself from laughing so hard. So, thanks for the hysterical articles, everything from "Eight is Engouh vs. Amityville Horror" up to the Ode to Autumn [mailing list letter], which is so funny I have to send it around to my friends! The fact that you can take stuff like that as well as put together sentiments for us during 9-11 (the mix tapes you put together) is incredible. Keep up the great work. If you ever need a "cub reporter" let me know." Harry "This is the funniest site I have ever seen. I am
so happy I looked up haikus to teach a lesson plan to a group of would
be teachers. I can't wait to show them the heavy metal haikus. That's
good stuff! - Stephanie "Ape Culture always has something interesting to say." - Avaleeland dot com "u r an idiot u have no idea and shut the hell up we dont want to see the shit u write write back plez" "Burt i like to see all your movies i'm working on
getting smokey and the bandit3" "u lot r a bunch of fucking assholes and i hope u will shut down your shitty website" "I'd read the U2 haiku review several months ago, but it wasn't until I stumbled on the hilariously TRUE Bob Dole Pervert article that I became hooked -- what a fantastic menagerie this is!" Rachel "thank you forever for making me laugh and stay alive forever." "Heavy Emotion: You don't see the haiku form used
to express feelings of love very often. Usually haiku is used to express
the ineffable poignancy of a given situation, and often the realm of love
is highly complex, and all-too-effable, rendering it more compatible with,
say, sonnets, couplets, or free verse. However, it only takes the right
admixture for love to work perfectly in haiku form - and that admixture
is heavy metal. Somehow, when the object of one's affection is a feathered-haired
headbanger, the words just form themselves effortlessly into the elegant
5-7-5 format, producing such paeans as "My radio plays Dream On/As
those lips devour me/My body quivers," or "Ozzy, leave your
wife/That shrew will work you to death/I'll take care of you." Of
course it all can't be puppies and hearts forever, as evidenced by some
of the sourer squibs on the page - "Ronnie James Dio/Holy Diver's
not bad but/You look like a troll." Listed as "Must See" websites in the "Abuse" category by the Movie Host of BellaOnline, The Voice of Women on the Web "A little warped, but sweet. Be sure to check out
their Kevin Spacey haikus." "HELLO? YOU'VE REACHED STALKER CENTRAL. There is something
very, very wrong with these people, and the fact that they've all found
each other and are organized should strike fear into our souls. In fact,
as soon as I stop laughing, I'm going to get very alarmed. Until then,
I'll keep reading Ape Culture, every update, all the celebrity haikus
("I can never get back/The fifteen minutes/I crushed on Vanilla Ice"),
the epic love poem to Charo ("after finishing a divine banana flambe,
the lady of the house/takes to the small bamboo stage"), the poetic
dueling Bill-lovers (Paxton vs. Pullman), the concert reviews ranging
from Cher to Hole and everything in between, the essays in which the cast
from "Eight Is Enough" encounters the plot from "Poltergeist."
Weird, wonderful and certifiable, a big, fat wallow in popular culture,
and an utter hoot...Don't miss it." "What do you get when you give two former St. Louis
women - who are obsessed with pop culture - web space and an HTML editor?
This site, which is one of the funniest sites online. Be sure to check
it out." "Your zine is sassy and pertinent. It's a publication
with a zany taste for the piquant. Better than the Kenneth Starr report
and then some. Seriously, enjoy your pages, delightful and ample." "a lot of funny stuff" "You're in the jungle baby! This pop culture humor
zine is full of weird stuff. Check out crybaby Richard Simmons' writing
back to overweight cats." Named "humor of the week" by Ink Tank, 01/00 "Revista electronica com curiosidades, artigos e poemas.
Destaque parra um jogo em que voce se transforma em celebridade e continua
a aventura conforme os links que escolher. Em ingles." "The Should I Stalk William Shatner page is a riot,
but don't take my word for it, just go there!...the hard truth is you
probably aren't prepared or devoted enough to reap the avalanche of media
attention a man who really, really, really liked William Shatner a lot
would almost certainly get. Before you buy a sleeping bag, night vision
goggles and bus tickets to a year's worth of Mr. Shatner's speaking engagements,
take this simple quiz. It could save you a lot of time, humiliation and
listening to George Takei ramble pointlessly about getting his own show
while waiting for William Shatner to come on." "This convenient test over at apeculture.com provides
a handy way , in the words of Fast Eddie Bax, to "quantify your devotion."
To William Shatner, that is. "what a great site. check out the love poems. check
out the choose your own celebrity adventures. & please, take the shatner
quiz. i have to go be rod stewart now. "You'll Laugh Your Mouse Off: Should I Stalk William
Shatner Test. Are you ready to quit your job, abandon all personal ties
and live as a drifter on the outskirts of the Shatner ranch? Re: Humor
Ezines "Oh Captain, My Captain: So you want to stalk William
Shatner. Sure, doesn't everybody? But do you have what it takes to pursue
the Man Who Would Be Hooker relentlessly to the ends of the earth? Previously,
you had to attend countless Star Trek conferences, read all the TekWar
books, and put up with the incoherent ramblings of James Doohan to find
out whether you had the mettle, but this is the future! It's 2001 gosh
darn it, and we have the modern miracle that is Should I Stalk William
Shatner Test. Just remember, TJ Hooker was only a phase. He was experimenting
(like all teenagers do). If we can forgive the hairpiece, lord knows we
can forgive that." "I am sorry that you have developed such a negative
attitude toward someone I still admire and am trying to keep an open mind
about. I wish you well." "Unexpectedly compelling." "I Know it's been on your mind...put those annoying
voices to rest with The Standardized Should I Stalk William Shatner Test." The Standardized Should I Stalk William Shatner Test named "Weird Earl" (as in URL) on Cecil Adams' The Straight Dope column, 12/20/00 "u lot r a bunch of fucking assholes and i hope u
will shut down your shitty website" Re: Requiem for The Richard Bey Show Re: Which Beatle Are You "Visit this e-zine dedicated to popular television,
movies, music and magazines to read interesting and amusing articles about
American pop culture." Ranking: 2 Buzzels Re: Heavy Metal Love Haikus "Everyone take a look at Ape Culture. Look at Joe's
Ode to Tootie, who is tied for my favorite members of the Facts of Life
family (tied with Blair). Kekeke. Oh yeah -- Tina was mentioned in The
Temp's Corollary. And what's incredibly funny?! Apes Abroad - Japan. HAHAHA!
Loose socks! Fertility Shrine! I couldn't stop myself from laughingl.
Well, of course the blinds were partially open since Janet wasn't in today
and the door was completely ajar since there are very few students during
the summer...and hence I didn't want to laugh too loud. I was reduced
to tears -- a kind of hearty deep breathing. Eeek! Waah! It was so funny!
I had to really tear myself away from reading everything on the site!
It was plain hilarious! LOOSE SOCKS!" Re: The Expose of Kermit the Frog "Many tasty, bite-sized morsels here." Web Guide Magazine -- For the Best Time Online, Listed in Best Rated Sites for 1999, "The most impressive sites we found in the past year." Review from 10/99: "...This e-zine attempts to make a monkey out of American pop culture -- or does it insinuate pop culture is making a monkey out of you?" 10/99 "You want some cheeky, cheesy pop culture commentary? After all, the Onion doesn't come out every day. Or maybe you're just tired of trying to be smart and reading books about Derrida and stuff. Apeculture is perfect for those who were weaned on television celebrity culture, and the ambiguous love-hate/worship relationship with it that such an upbringing engenders in anyone possessing one iota of critical conscience. Tellingly enough, the icon for this web site is the silhouette for Cornelius from 'Planet of the Apes'. Featuring such sly star-deflating concepts as bad movie reviews and concert reviews that manage to simultaneously praise and belittle rock stars and icons Ozzy, John Waite and Cher. One of the more moronically sublime features of the site is 'Love Poems to the Stars', sample couplet 'To the Fonz'. www.dolomite.net, 8/99 Re: Talkin' with Elvis Down by the Sea by Ann Cefola: Re: Talkin' with Elvis Down by the Sea by Ann Cefola: Re: Ask Cher Scholar "I just gotta say that your website is great and your
story about meeting Cher is awesome... I really laughed and cried while
I was reading it." "I just discovered Ape Culture and, I've got to tell
you, I feel like I've come home ... in essence: Ape Culture, good. Make
me feel happy inside. Yes, reading over your "zine" -- as the
monosyllabic refer to it -- I chuckled many times and nodded sagely to
myself in that self-congratulatory Re: Divas 99, A Look Back in Anger "Thanks to the good folks over at Yahoo!, whose anal
retentive personalities allow for convenient categorization of millions
of web pages, I found your fantastic humor magazine. Sure, it doesn't
have the pizzazz of BritneySpears.com, the audacity of KraftFoods.com,
or the serendipity of Serendipity.com, but you've got yourself a pretty
darn good thing going there." Re: The Gentleman of Leisure reviews Ozzfest '98 "We at PlanetClick were darn excited to discover your
hilarious e-magazine and we want the rest of our web planet to indulge
in Ape Culture like we do!" Re: Battle of the Bills: Bill Paxton vs. Bill Pullman "Ape this. ...Ape Culture, which I highly recommend.
Right off the bat I was charmed by a category heading titled "Ape
Shit." And then there's the "you be the celebrity," game
which appears to be almost appallingly fun, the downside being the celebrity
you might choose might be Sonny Bono." "...this diverse collection of articles is not only
funny, but also informative (Kermit the Frog is Gay). I found lots to
like during my visits, including an "Just got home. We really had a good time. Norman
stayed in the basement and came out at night. Charlie was really good.
Susan thought your Barry Manilow was a blast. Andrew had gone back and
noticed the changes you'd made with Java?? I'll give you a call tomorrow
night. Am going to call Grandpa tomorrow to wish him a Happy Birthday.
Did Maureen call you? She was going to tell you to be sure to bring your
bathing suit." "I loved it so much that I've made it the Short Attention-Span
site of the week here at C*E*A*. Thanks for coming up with such a fun
site." "FAT CATS: The fact that Richard Simmons is already
a parody of himself hasn't stopped a generation of humorists from poking
fun at the frizzy-haired fitness guru. Despite this, I've yet to see anything
as downright goofy as Ape Culture's "Obese House Pets Petition Richard
Simmons for Help." The piece features imaginary correspondence between
a compassionate Simmons and desperate domestic animals, including "Sam,
the cat with they thyroid problem," "You and your friends are twisted." "Ape Culture is brilliant! I loved the celebrity poems.
I'm fascinated. And there's so much more!" 9/98 "Ape Culture: There was going to be just one section
featured from this site, but we couldn't decide which was best. The pages
are all different and very weird" Re: The Big Rewind Tour/Human League/Culture Club/Howard
Jones "I read the haikus (hilarious) and the concert reviews.
I really enjoy reading the stuff you guys are writing. You're doing a
great job!!" "POP GOES THE CULTURE: The new issue of smart pop-culture/humor
'zine Ape Culture contains several interesting essays, including Christine
Horace's tribute to Phil Hartman, who once read her fan letter on The
Tonight Show, and M.E. Ladd's admission of a shameful past as a Barry
Manilow devotee. In Media Morph, my favorite Ape Culture feature, hard-bitten
70s sleuth Jim Rockford is retained by uptight 30s busybody Nancy Drew,
with hilarious results." "I'M APE FOR APE CULTURE: I'm enjoying Ape Culture,
a new pop-culture 'zine created by recent Sarah Lawrence College MFA recipients
Mary Ladd and Julie Wiskirchen. Among the offerings in the current Spring
issue is Wiskirchen's deeply twisted short story, "Eight Is Enough
To Fill Our Lives With Blood" which depicts 70s TV TV family, the
Bradfords, moving into the possessed "Amityville Horror" house.
Check it out, along with Ladd's investigation of Kermit the Frog's sexuality." "Stopped by your site -- Terrific pages. Very funny.
Great Design. Great contribution to the World Wide Web. I am much impressed.
I am awarding your site the Humor Award." "I read your 8 is enough story and loved it. It really
brought me back to my pathetic little, TV saturated adolescence." "you're site kicks ass." "We think your Ape Culture site is very cool and would
really interest our members. We would like to acknowledge your awesome
skills in developing your site by presenting you with the animalhouse.com
award. "Ape Culture features edgy satire, reminiscing, reviews,
personal essays and the Choose-Your-Own-Celebrity-Adventure game. Articles
in the debut issue included a travelogue of Elvis Week 97, Media Morphing:
what happens when you cross Eight is Enough with The Amityville Horror,
the ugly truth about Kermit the Frog, and a report on Japanese pop culture
from an American teaching abroad. We just know you're really gonna dig
it." "This is so cool. How can I subscribe?" Re: The Gentleman of Leisure's Review of Nathan's Eatery "I am very happy to announce that you are one of the
latest winners of the Key Site Award for excellence in web design. Your
web site was evaluated by our team of experts (me) and found to be both
interesting and easy to navigate. I found the content of your site to
be original and worth a repeat visit! It is efforts such as yours that
make the web such an interesting place to explore. I am rather selective
in what I feel merits my award and your site definitely qualifies in every
respect. Keep up the great work!" "Love your web page. It brought me back....memories
that popped into mind when reading it were: reliving the episode of Dallas
where JR got shot in my dollhouse with the Fisher Price Little People©
and my brief encounter with the Eight is Enough fan club. I was also a
member of the ZOOM fanclub. "YOU are responsibility for sending me to the Dolly
Parton website. I am UNCLEAN now! And besides, I wanted the Bradfords
to DIE. What the hell is wrong with you?" "You guys are HILARIOUS. This is such an excellent
and most-witty website! I particularly enjoyed my tour of Graceland (is
a tour of the Liberace Museum in our future?) and the truth about Kermit.
How could I have been so blind about him? The link that most cracked me
up: Sears Portrait Gallery. Will you do a feature on St. Louis? An update
on Tom Jones? I think a field trip to the Petrified Animal Museum is in
order. A great hour spent."
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